Daughters in the Parsha

random "complaints"

2011-12-06T20:30:00.001-08:00

doesn't every yeshiva kid learn that we aren't supposed to kneel?

from whence came this trend of these frum guys proposing on one knee? it's like, so goyish. blech.

and I am really "fed up" with the misuse of quotation marks on "store" signs.

for example:
please give your "key tags" to the cashier at the register.
Specials: "turkey" salad, "chicken" salad.

and my favorite:
mazel tov to Yanky on his new baby "boy".

Joke

2011-11-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

Rivka emainu tells her father: "I want to get married!"
Her father responds in confusion :"You are only 3 years old!"
Rivka responds: "But I'm in the parsha!"

Spend One of The Holiest Days of the Year in the Cemetery!

2011-09-15T06:39:00.001-07:00

Once I again I rant against going to Uman for Yom Tov.

I don't care what the holy Breslover Rebbe said. I don't think he meant for 40,000 Jews to leave their families and regular shuls to go daven at his grave. And his supposed statement of daven here and you'll be saved sounds sort of like some other religion that talks about being saved...
Do mitzvos- that will "save" you.

Daven with your sons at your side. On real chairs in a real building that is B'kovodik for the prayers you will be saying. Then go home to your family and enjoy a beautiful Yom Tov Seuda that your wife prepared, not some caterer. And say and listen to divrei Torah from your children.

Don't throw money at a bunch of Ukrainians who hate you and tried to obliterate you once before in the not so distant past.

Sorry, I don't think it's beautiful that there are rooms set aside in European airports for overflow and minyanim. I don't think it's wonderful that hundreds of store owners are shlepping over there with cots, tents, food, concessions, etc. I am all for capitalism but doesn't anyone feel like standing up and saying THIS IS UTTER NONSENSE AND NOT THE WAY JEWS SHOULD BE CELEBRATING ROSH HASHANA!! I don't think it's amazing the way Jews from Israel and America and other parts of Europe are all gathering together. Let them gather together in their shuls. Or at the Kosel. Or gather the money they are spending and give it to the Aniyim of Eretz Yisroel. Or of their country.

Utter Lunacy.

I Am Not Picky and Please Follow Up

2011-09-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

that's actually just a title for two issues about shidduchim that have been bothering me lately. not related.

picky:
I hate that term. People have likes and dislikes. My daughter is not "picky". Just because your daughter was lucky enough to find her mate and get married 20 seconds after she came back from Israel doesn't mean she wasn't "picky". she just found what she wanted right away.

Is a girl picky because she finds fat guys unappealing?
Is a girl picky because she wants someone who is a particular personality?
Is a girl picky because she wants a guy for a husband who is similar to the men in her life (father/brothers/uncles/close relatives) whom she respects, admires, and is comfortable with?

Next time I am with you and you start talking about being picky I will say, or ask you:
why do you live in THAT neighborhood? Weren't you being picky when you chose it?
Why do serve that type of chicken, is your family picky?
Why aren't you eating the mushrooms in your food? Shopping at the same grocery store as I do? Attending a particular shiur? and last: WHY ARE YOU SAYING NO TO SOME SHIDDUCHIM BEING RHEDT TO YOUR SON? OR DAUGHTER?

follow up:
please don't tell me every time you see me "Oh, I am working on this and this shidduch".
either work on it - or don't.
either suggest it - or don't.
it doesn't take two years for a mother of a boy to say "we are not interested" or "we looked into it". If youpre serious, then call the mother frequently. Yes. Be. A. Pest. You want to help girls get married? FOLLOW UP

I Did NOT Post on Shabbos!

2011-07-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

shout out thanks to my sis at icebergcarwash.blogspot.com for pointing out the date stamp on my last blog post. which I posted mid week but for some reasons shows up as being posted 18 minutes before Nacht on Motzei Shabbos. So until I change the time stamp, don't worry.

I will not be amongst those teens who text on shabbos.

It Stinks...Like Chickens

2011-07-23T20:54:00.001-07:00

Big question as to how a proposed chicken slaughterhouse at the edge of New Square got a government grant. Question, because everyone in the area was against it. Including many residents of New Square. It will be built along Rt. 45, which is a main street but goes through residential homes.
We can thank other elected officials who do their job by pushing the agenda of the block vote: Charles Schumer and Eliot Engel.

Yich.

2011-05-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

when did chassidus turn into a religion of believing that the rebbi is a direct liason to G-d?

been there, done that, he was crucified. wasn't that the story?

Sick Out There and Getting Sicker

2011-05-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

To paraphrase that icon of talk shows, Bob Grant....

If we have been working so hard to make sure our children (rightly so) are protected from the evils of the secular world, why are there so many more children Off the D?

Why is Lakewood full of organizations and yeshivos and programs and projects to help the wayward lost souls of that community, if that is one of the communities that insists on conformity, lack of exposure i.e. internet, library books, secular studies, etc.? We should be celebrating the renewed commitment to a Torah lifestyle because of all the limits and bans and restrictions and controls we have placed on our children and community!

I don't get it

-all black clothing because color, which Hashem created and has all around us in His beautiful world, in untzniusdik
-all separate affairs with moveable walls for mechitzas (when did trees become too lenient?)
-modest swimwear. hello, who are they swimming with in the first place? just women!
-no pics of women in any magazines or newspapers or billboards advertising dinners they are supposedly being honored by
-open houses or school orientations where men are requested not to attend
-graduations where dads are not invited (thankfully not at my daughter's school, but at another local BY high school)
-no more dance performances at all girls' high school concert (same BY high school)
-etc

I AM AN UMA!!

2011-05-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

I still have Daughter In the Parsha but I have now moved on to a new moniker:

UMA!!!

with all the benefits - hold the little cutie but give him back if he screams
change him but only if it isn't too messy or unpleasant
actually I don't even mind that stuff

of course the DIP family is really excited- the new parents are staying here so that means real food and real supper for the next week or so

and no, that isn't a typo:
UMA, like OMA. for grandmother.
who says an OMA can't be hip? like, UMA Thurman?

thanks for the suggestion, MK

Please Comment!!

2011-05-02T21:07:00.001-07:00

33 of you looked at my post today and NO ONE commented!! hey people I need to hear from you!

Use A Frying Pan Not an Iron, Please

2011-05-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what cooking went on in my house after hours before Pesach, but someone somewhere was really starving and took desperate measures to cook.
Yellow oily stuff was oozing out of my iron as I tried to unwrinkle some shirts yesterday.
the holes on the iron were clogged with some blackened crusty residue.

I think someone tried cooking. I know that in dorms worldwide the Iron has become an innovative sandwich maker/frying pan/pannini alternative. But this was really quite gross. The holes on the iron are clogged with varying shades of black and brown hardened (food?) residue. So I filled the steaming hole with lots of water and then repeatedly pushed the little button with pictures of cloud bursts on it. As the steam came out, it loosened the crusty stuff which dripped all over the place, but did not look like anything edible. Rather like yellowish brown sand granules. I tried licking one but was revulsed before I could determine the taste. Anyway, it wasn't dripping out and melting fast enough, so I unplugged the iron and just lowered it into a sink full of water.
Boy did I get a little vibrating buzz through my arm. I thought if it's unplugged you can't get electrocuted?! Anyway, it loosened the black and yellow crusty stuff but then it began to drip all over the place and come out from under the whole metal plate. I finally shook the iron and after cleaning up the sink, floor, mirror, wall, and my arms, decided it was all nice and clean.
So I went to iron a shirt for Mr. High School Son.
Who just called me from Yeshiva to tell me there are varying shades of big yellowish brown spots all over his shirt.
I told him to enjoy his lunch. Not sure what it is.

Serious Things I Worry About

2011-04-29T14:10:00.001-07:00

If Chas V'shalom, G-d forbid, I was in an accident, a coma, or hadGuillain Barre Syndrome, would anyone remember I wore lenses? and remove them??
keep that in mind, please.

Reposting: lack of food erev YomTov

2011-04-10T18:34:00.000-07:00

I should have listened to my sister the Eitza Lady and sent this in to one of the jewish magazines. But I didn't (maybe next year) so here it is again, with some slight revisions. is it like this in YOUR house??

*(YBS is Yeshiva Bochur Son. See earlier posts for fascinating observations of this Being)

Call child welfare services

My kids are starving.

The fridge is so empty I can see the back and the reflections of the containers on the glass shelves.

I love it. My kids hate it.

YBS: I am staying in yeshiva, there's mamesh no Oichel and this Matzov is Geferlach.

DIP1: uh, what's for supper?

ME: (brightly) you have many choices! I have four hot dogs, two hamburgers, some buns, and when they defrost, we will know if they are hot dog or hamburger buns- right now they're a little squished in the bag. AND I found a quarter of a bag of brocoli, two breaded chicken fingers, and looky here! an ENTIRE container of Tofutti sour cream, 3/4 of a container of Chummus, yum! and TONS of sorbet. What a treat! Let's have dessert first, as a special pre- pesach treat!

DIP3: (stamps into kitchen, flops on chair) this is SO not funny! I am beyond famished and starving! I ate the sludge from the bottom of the cereal container and I don't even know which cereal it was!

ME: ho ho! It was all of 'em! I combined the cereals two days ago so I could put away the containers and throw out all those boxes cluttering up the shelf. What a wonderful shmorgasbord for breakfast! ha ha!

DIP1: what's for supper?

ME: you like salmon? right? Tada! A salmon fillet! There are some green things floating on it, looks like it was already spiced, just microwave it and your gourmet meal is ready!

DIP1: (after microwaving). Uh, Ma?? I think this was the leftover lox we brought home from the bris. The stuff on it was that curly spinach? that goes under the platter? but it was stuck on with the saran wrap? So that's why now it looks shiny? what should I eat?

ME: the salmon! where do you think lox comes from?? lots of healthy fish oils in that! and spinach! Woah, just loaded with vitamins! Here, I found an extra 1/2 a whole wheat pita under the soup that defrosted and refrosted when the freezer was left open. Looks like it was onion soup, so it's milchigs! Just microwave the pita quickly and gobble it up, could get rubbery when it cools off.

DIP1: This is awful. I am going to that new shwarma place.

ME: No, No!! I’ll find something in that freezer, don’t lose hope! Here, I found one individually wrapped Homemade Oatrageous Granola Bar, from when I made them to take on our Chol Hamoed Succos trip. You love these things! Warm it up. Share it with your younger sister. Whole grains fill you up beautifully, one half should be fine.

DIP3: (after trying to unwrap the foil from the Homemade Granola Bar) uh, Ma? Are you sure this was only in the freezer since Succos? Cuz the foil is disintegrating in miniscule pieces and there are now silver shavings all over my new skirt, and….. HEY! This isn’t a Homemade Granola Bar! This is a misshapen block of fresh yeast! Gross, now it’s crumbling all over my new skirt! Even eating cold noodles, or…or…melting ice cream is better than the horrific lack of food situation in this household! This is so not funny. Since a week after Purim I have been in a state of starvation, depravation, and famishedness!

YBS: (screams with delight) Hashem, thank you!! I found some of those Spring Valley puff pastry zachiges! are they fleishig? Great! I can cut up the yapchik (that's what this foil is, yeah) I got four weeks ago from Mechil's and throw it all in! Is this squished foil pan from behind the pots fleishigs? Can I use it on the grill for all this shtus?

ME: (Gaily) You bet, Mr. Creative Chef - and throw in some ketchup, this breaded chicken drumstick, and the five diced pieces of zuchinni I found stuck to the bottom of the prune filling! Your feasting! Your mamesh feasting!
!

My phone rings. It is the Father. Of this charming brood of children who don’t appreciate the abundance of food in our home considering the starving people in Japan and Haiti and other washed out cities and countries.

HUSBAND: Hi there, hope you had a great day with the kids home, did they help? (sneer, which I could hear). Anyway, I just got off the bridge, I’ll be home in about 12 minutes. And we didn’t order lunch today, I ran to work straight from shul this morning without breakfast or even a coffee, and remember last night I wasn’t feeling well after shiur so I didn’t eat dinner. I am beyond famished. Hope you have something good for dinner. And don’t pass vegetables or soup as a main course, I need heavy protein and lots of it. What did you make?

DIP3: (who can miss a request if I bellow it over her head but can hear the other side of a cell phone conversation from the other side of the room) FORGET IT, DADDY!! There is ab-so-lute-ly no-thing edible in this household! Get us sushi! Take us to Teaneck! GO TO GRANDMA and get her shabbos leftovers! Something!

I quickly dash around the food deprived/weakened members of my household and leap into the bathroom, and as I muffle my voice into the towels, I ask my husband to pick up two corn beef sandwiches on the way home. Yup! Some of us will eat well tonight !

shidduch crisis

2011-01-30T21:29:00.000-08:00

We are having a little shidduch crisis over here at the DIP's home.

We can't decide between two boys of seemingly good virtues, intelligence, fine breeding, and all the other traits so essential in finding a mate.

Bachelor #1 has been known to us for a while. Fits the profile.
Bachelor #2 just came on the scene. Intriguing background.

our own little decision crisis. and we'd better decide quick or we'll be accused by shadchanim as being difficult and do we want the DIP to get married or not?

I CAN NOT STAND THIS SYSTEM!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Something Worth Blogging About

2010-11-22T07:18:00.001-08:00

after a self imposed ban on blogging, something happened today to cause me to rethink that theory.

There are times in our lives when something small happens, we see a particular activity taking place, and we step back to rethink our beliefs. There are times when a casual interaction or observation can force us to evaluate our concept of self and our place in the world, our pre-conceived notions of our position in society, our level of acclimation to the environment around us.

and sometimes following that event, observation, or activity, we just look at ourselves differently.

Wesley Kosher now does deliveries.

Didn't You Ever Take a Standardized Test?!?

2010-09-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder if the poll worker volunteers ever took standardized tests as children. Or if they are aware that people take such tests. Or if they have ever had to fill out a form with little circles on it. I know I appear youthful at times, but do I look like an infant? Or do I have SUCH a vacuous and dull looking expression that these volunteers assume I am an absolute idiot??

I arrive at my local polling place, which doubles as a public school during regular hours.

ME: Hi, people, here to fullfill my civic duty!! Wait! what district am I?

(this happens every single time I come to vote. There are three tables set up, District 20, 86, and something else)

ME: Oh, nevermind, I remember now. I am district 20. Take the three digits of my house number, double it, add the number of drivers in my house, I got it
POLL WORKER: Just sign here (points to my name, in case I don't recognize it)
ME: okay, I'm off!
POLL WORKER: wait, Jim will explain what to do.
JIM: (rips off a sheet from a printed pad) This is a primary election.

pause.

ME: uh, yeah, I know, I am here to vote!
JIM: great! There are five positions with candidates running. (points to the five categories)

pause.
ME: uh, yeah, I know, I am here to vote!
JIM: so in each category, there are two or three people running for the position indicated on the top of the box. (Jim points to the top of the box)

ME: great!
JIM: next to each name is a small oval. (Jim points to each oval next to each candidate's name)

ME: (to myself. "THIS IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING")
JIM: So you need to pick one candidate in each category and carefully fill in the small oval located next to the candidate of your choice's name. Only one per office! Then proceed to the private booths to fill in your choice. When you are done you may place your ballot into this privacy folder, and then walk over to that area and the gentleman there will assist you.

ME: I carefully fill in my ovals, walk over to the brush-inhibited and hair-cut challenged individual sitting near the computer thing (Scantron). As I approach he gets up and walks out of the room. So I follow the clear instructions and place my ballot in the computer.

okay. am I actually living in the 21st century? The entire country is progressive and now doing these kinds of ballots? The poll worker told me these new ballots are so they can be accessible to wheel chair bound voters. The ADA has created this change.

Uman

2010-09-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

Can't afford to go to Uman? Don't like to fly? Wish you had a rebbe to visit in a cemetery in the U.S.? Tired of letting all that money go to some European country whose residents would have been happy to give you up to the Nazis?
The Solution Is Right Here in Your Neighborhood!!

Tickets now being sold to camp out on neighboring properties to spend Rosh Hashana at the Brick Church Cemetery, right here in New Hempstead/Monsey! There are so many advantages to staying at a local graveyard this Rosh Hashana:

There are different neighborhoods and different rabbanim buried here. Choose your grave from across the religious spectrum!

There is a lot of lighting from local homes. We have good street lights here in America.

No need to deal with foreign currency. If you need a pre-yom tov slice of kugel, run down to Meal Mart and pull out the ole' George Washington.

Why deal with catered or institutionalized food, when the wife can run over with warm homemade food you're accustomed to? Don't compromise on the meals you are used to getting every other Yom Tov! and Shabbos! Let your wife know how much you value her cooking and how important Yom Tov meals are to you! It's about the sanctity of the chag.

Your family can visit you Yom Tov Afternoon.

If you don't want to see your family, you can hide in the *other* cemetery nearby. The revolutionary war soldiers were great marksmen. America protects its own.

Local heimishe families are gracious to locals and needy Jews who pass by. They know the value of proper indoor plumbing.

Staying local affords you the opportunity to still attend your regular shiurim. You might appreciate a good snooze in an air conditioned building, too.

You might get some other passersby to join you in the davening.

Most of all, staying local shows your family how important it is to you to make sure you are around them for the chag. Special areas will be set aside for fathers to hear their children's divrei Torah!!

Shana Tova!!

2010-09-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

It's time for jewish publications and letters to editors to find another expression other than
"no pun intended", one of the most overused expressions in recent history. As frequent as Pomegranate ads and Asifos, it has lost it's potency, and is just soooo tacky.

Observation #1

2010-08-12T12:18:00.001-07:00

I"m embarrassed to say it, but here goes:

women really are awful drivers. and they don't know how to park in parking spaces with lines. (but chassidish men are pretty bad at that, too).

everyone except for my sister and I.

24/6

2010-08-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

I recently saw a blog post somewhere (not sure where) in which a discussion ensued about women in some chassidish communities now wearing spring coats so they are not overly appealing in their regular summer clothes when out and about shopping or strolling on shabbos.

You heard me right, folks. Some very very clever businessman (emphasis on man) decided the level of tzniyus in his neighborhood, motivated I guess by the level of money in his bank account, was too low. Women walking around in their black shapeless suits or baggy zip up shirts and A-line skirts was too suggestive. So to protect eyes and thoughts from straying, women are wearing coats. in the summer. in 98 degree weather.

IT ISN'T YIDDISHKEIT, IT'S NARISHKEIT. (I have to trademark that comment)

it's like the expression 24/7 which everyone knows means "all the time". but some zealot somewhere was probably worried that it may be perceived as someone doing said activity on shabbos, so just to clarify (because how they live their life, daven, learn, where they send the kids to school, how they do business, what their family is like, blah blah wasn't enough proof that they are solid frum people) they modified the comment.

sick sick sick.

I Feel Newly Married!!

2010-08-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

I had such an enlightening and youthful moment this evening.

I felt newly married.

I made a fresh supper.

It has been so long, I got reacquainted with my lovely dishes, pots, and utensils!

DIP1 and YBS are home, and I have run out of edible leftovers, hence something fresh.

actually, while scouting around for a specific Tupperware to put my lettuce in, I happened to glance upwards, and noticed it under some Tupperware cereal boxes. Upon opening the container, I discovered the fat free/whole wheat/splenda mini blueberry muffins (thanks G6, sorry I don't know how to link) I made a few weeks ago. I had wondered where they had gone, since I know I didn't eat all of them. I also looked at them for a moment or two, because I didn't recall icing them. with white, fuzzy icing. Oh well. I then decided I really needed to cook something new because the fuzzy white mini muffins are a testimonial to the food situation in our kitchen.
(I gave the cleaning lady two rolls on Thursday which DIP1 insists had mold on them, but luckily my lenses weren't in, and I shouted at Juana "YOU SEE MOLD??? LOOK GOOD??" and I just slapped on some tuna. her husband hasn't come to complain she is sick so I guess all is okay. whatever. mold=penicillin=free health care for illegals, so whose complaining??)

So I defrosted several half opened packages of chicken and made a yummy dinner. actually I just cut up carrots, sweet potatoes, onions, zuchinni, and red pepper, threw the chicken on top, sprinkled on seasoned salt, and baked. yum:

DIP1: Fleishigs? what is this, you cooked? something fresh? what's wrong?
YBS: I hate vegetables
DIP1: I had fleishigs for lunch.
YBS: I hate vegetables. But I like onions. I love onions. and Potatoes are vegetables. But not sweet potatoes
Me: Look at all those vitamins! swimming in chicken fat because I didn't have time to skin the chicken!
(okay, this is a little personal, but since I didn't skin the chickens, I also didn't remove the "end" of the chicken, like the "bottom" body part)
Hubby: yum, you left on the betzelshe, my favorite (gobbles it up)
DIP1: UCH!! GROSS! YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!
Hubby: nu, nu!
DIP1: you made a bracha already???
Me: can you even make a bracha on that part of the chicken? it's fat and skin. fui
YBS: these onions are great, thanks ma
DIP1: I really wanted a pizza bagel. and when you spice chicken, dear mother, you have to put the spice under the skin so it has flavor.

this is a complaint of DIP3 who removes the skin on other occasions when I don't have time to remove it, and shmears the de-skinned chicken with skin reversed so the spices go on the chicken flesh.

at this point we are all milchigs already. thankfully. I found a string cheese.

Do You Prop or Not? BAAAD Mother

2010-07-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

A good friend came over to my house this week- with her baby. She was busy while she was here (okay, she came to swim) and decided to prop up a bottle while swimming so her little cutie would be happy and she could swim for ten minutes. But apparently, she was a little embarrassed. MY baby is turning 14, so I have been out of baby culture for a few years (only a few. we treat him like a baby)

Friend: I'm actually a little embarrassed, I bet you never propped.
Me: Huh?
Friend: propped! propped! You are so the type not to do it! I bet you never did it with your kids!
Me: Did what?!?
Friend: You really don't know what I'm talking about? Propping! Propping your bottle for your baby!
Me: You mean, like propping up the baby's bottle? When you can't hold them? like now, when you want to swim?
Friend: YES!!
Me: Oh! you mean because they could choke if the hole of the nipple is too big, or they will get very gassy because if the liquid isn't tilted all the way to the top of the bottle, the air pocket grows and they gulp more air than milk?? that's why it's bad, I mean not bad, but not the best thing to do? right?
Friend: I have no clue what you are talking about
Me: propping up a bottle so a baby can drink!
Friend: it's not about the baby drinking or choking or gulping too much air. who cares about that! it's about propping up a bottle! Propping!
Me: Um, this a "thing"? it actually is a thing with a name? like, do you nurse? or, do you eat gebroks? do you go to the country for the summer? do you send your kids to overnight camp? do you "prop"??
Friend: you sound a little hysterical
Me: sorry. tell me about this new propping concept
Friend: well, it's like this. I met a friend who saw me with my baby and she said, I can't believe your propping, aren't you embarrassed, to be out in public with your baybala in the stroller propping!!
Me: um....I am really sorry, but this is actually an activity that is viewed as wrong?!?
Friend: Propping is what you do when you can't hold the bottle. what mother isn't available for her baby? what mother can't do a natural thing like take care of her own baby?

if this seems like we were going in circles, we were.

My friend is chassidish. and apparently, with the chassidish women, "propping" is something they are very judgemental about.

I actually meant this to be a funny post, but as I write it and read what I am writing, I am deciding it is not funny. it is so, so sad. A woman comes to swim in my pool and doesn't want to pay for a babysitter, so she brings her baby in the carriage, props up a bottle and feels guilty.

???

Boiled Skin for Dinner

2010-07-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

So DIP2, who is now MD (married daughter) had a slight dinner emergency. So she called me;

MD: hey ma, the chicken cutlets I have in the fridge for dinner tonight smell funny
ME: uh, how do they taste?
MD: GROSS!! I am not tasting raw smelly chicken cutlets!
ME: ok, ok, chill. are they slimy? do they smell chickencutlety? Or stinky, like a chicken coop?
MD: I dunno, they smell....off! and Hubby is coming home in like 40 minutes! any ideas?
ME: um, you can come over here and get some stuff!! I just defrosted, well actually, like ten minutes ago, took out a tray from the freezer and put it on the grill! It should be ready in like ten minutes (as long as you eat the outer regions, the middle is still frozen stiff).
MD: what is it?
ME: pepper steak! Yum! meat! your Hubby likes meat, no?
MD: He doesn't like leftovers
ME: hey! this is from HIS wedding! from the AMAZING shmorg! good once, good twice! who wouldn't like that??
MD: come on, ma, I'm married like three weeks, I don't want to serve leftovers! and they aren't even mine!
ME: (not willing to argue that technically incorrect point). okay, gotcha. you gotta serve something he'd like. I'll check for chicken cutlets.

I then run to the freezer drawer and move aside and shift around and fling about 12 ziplock bags with
-frozen peanut butter cookies
-3 frozen chocolate crinkle cookies, leftovers from what was sent by my sister in the midwest for -my new nephew's shalom zachor then used for the shabbos kallah
-a frozen fish fillet
-melted and refrozen ice cubes (homemade icepaks)
-some loose ice cubes
-havdala candle (somewhere someone once said havdala candles drip less if you freeze them. they do not drip less. they leave black ash in my ice cube trays. people think they are drinking icecubes with fresh herbs. disgusting)
-frozen cranberries
-frozen, defrosted, refrozen, refrosted blueberries. I think. it's the only purple thing in there.
-CHICKEN CUTLETS!!

ME: okay, sweetie, I found chicken cutlets! your'e in luck! It's a big bag, though.
MD: okay, I only need, like, two.
ME: no problem!! I will soak them in hot water then boil them for like five minutes and you can pull off what you want! you can fry them. oil hides all taste.
MD: fine, I'll be right over

when she arrived, she prodded the frozen mass in the pot.
MD: uh, the outsides are white. they look like pale skin. feh.
ME: slice off what you want.

I can't believe that I actually encouraged my three week married daughter to use one of my tricks that took me years to develop. hope her Hubby liked his supper and doesn't read this
-

Summer Cooking

2010-07-06T19:33:00.001-07:00

My goal this summer is to use up all the food in all my various cabinets, as well as all frozen food in both freezers, and have cleansed cabinets, freezers, fridge, and digestive systems by September.

The problem is that the people who live here are less than thrilled by my clever dieting/frugal tactics.

DIP is thin, and loves carbs. Preferably the white type.
YBS-NOT is too busy being active outdoors to notice no food. Until ten p.m. when he eats anything with salsa. And leftovers from plates left out on the counter. There is always a lot of noise when he returns to the kitchen after his sporting, swimming, and disappearing activities. The ball game is on at full blast, the microwave is beeping, fridge banging open and closed, and occasionally something falls and breaks. Usually a jar that has briny smelly liquid in it. Or I smell a sickly sweet scent, and I see him roasting marshmallows over the open flame.

So far suppers this week have been BBQ hot dogs, BBQ hot dogs and chicken, BBQ chicken. Tonight was Main Course Leftovers From The Wedding, round 1. This past shabbos dessert was Leftovers From The Main Course round 3. (a LOT of runny chip cakes to get rid of). YBS already took four trays of Leftovers From The Shmorg back to yeshiva, and I foolishly thought it would last him a few weeks. He put all four trays out on the table one night and the starving bored chulent eaters polished it all off.
Tomorrow will probably be Contents of Mysterious Zip Lock Bags, round 1. The problem is I am going to have to wait until they all defrost to figure out what they are. I have some categories already to reduce the intrigue of what we will be eating:

bony things
reddish things
possible soupy things (those take up the whole bag, and are usually ridged on the bottom of the bag, indicating a liquid that froze over the bars of the freezer shelf)
whitish things: This one is a real challenge, and quite exciting and high up on the Unknown Mystery Food scale. white can be fish fillets, cream cheese frosting, old whipped whip cream, or partially cooked chicken cutlets. They become partially cooked when I take them out of the freezer 8 minutes before I need to serve them, (because I took out a different whitish bagged thing which turned out to be devil dog filling) and dump them into very hot water. quite untasty.

Of course, on occasion, any item in a zip lock bag can look whitish, because if the bag wasn't sealed properly it develops a crusty almost glacial beauty. Kind of like the Cave of Crystals in Mexico or wherever.

Next I will move on to my cabinets. Baked ziti can really be any pasta at all. So all the mostly empty lasagna noodle boxes will be removed from the cabinet, and I will break up all those pieces into macaroni sized portions. How elegant.
Every rice type item gets boiled altogether. If they look too different, I will throw them all under some bony thing from a zip lock bag, cover it with the combined contents of the half empty salsa/tomato sauce/pasta sauce/mustard containers and jars and cans.

I may even serve a savory concoction of herbs and spices. no more bland food around here!!

lastly, an ambrosial soup cooked with all the canned fruits and bumped objects in the fruit drawer of the fridge.

you're all invited, I will reach my goal much quicker

Profiling is a Good Thing

2010-07-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

I had a nice little chat today with the mother of a friend of DIP1. She said she does her shidduch research differently than I do. Considering she has four daughters married and I have one, I ruminated on that for a while. She also has a much larger family than I do, older kids, and I think she is a very articulate and intelligent woman.

So of course I started second guessing everything I do to find out about a potential suitor.

i have actually never heard that a boy is ugly, obnoxious, unliked by friends, missing most minyanim or sedorim, not nice, nasty to his parents, shunned by family, resented by co-workers, you get the idea.

However, I do ask a lot of the typical type of questions. And then I listen to How they are answered, and What Is Not Said. And I totally stereotype- I will assume a certain haskafa from his home if he attended a particular school or yeshiva. Doesn't mean we write him off if he is not the standard model we think we are looking for, but there is some value to profiling.

And still nothing is a guarantee.

One Woman I Know (based on her comment she was demoted from Acquaintance) told me "your daughter goes out to much. I only approve two or three guys a year". How idiotic. Does she think her 25 year old daughter appreciates that??

What No One Told Us

2010-07-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer: We are thrilled our daughter got married. We love our son-in-law. We are grateful she found her Ezer Knegdo. This is not a complaint post at all.)

No one told us that the most stressful part of making a wedding is...... finding gowns- IF you want a color besides white, off-white, or black. Which I don't think are colors. But Jewish rental places do.

No one told us about the endless lists and lists and shopping and returns.

I guess it's a good thing that everyone focuses on the fun, and the planning, and the excitement, and the wedding.

When you lock up the front door at night and you know that all those who now live at home are in- and one isn't.

How you are still on a high from a beautiful and fun wedding, from the simcha, from knowing you have a wonderful son-in-law who is good to your daughter and whom she is crazy about - but-

No one told us how great the void is when one of your children doesn't live at home anymore.

My Hands Smell Like Brine

2010-05-31T21:43:00.001-07:00

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not tell me that analogy of the pickles in the pickle jar. One comes out, albeit with difficulty, and the next ones just come out quickly.

To start with, I use canned Israeli pickles. You flip open the can and voila! Out they all come, garlic slices and all.

And if I buy the jarred pickles from Costco, you open, take one, and close.

And who thought this was a clever little story to repeat? If another individual pulls me over and quietly mumbles this brilliant story in my ear, like they invented it, I'll...I'll...I'll...
fling a jar of briny pickle juice in their face.

DIP1 will find a mate without any yanking and fighting with pickles, I'H.

The Reb Yaakov Quote

2010-05-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

throughout DIP2's engagement I meet people who remind me of that wonderful statement attributed to Reb Yaakov: when asked what he expected from him Mechutanim, he stated, "I want whatever they want". Clearly a Gadol and Tzadik would be easygoing like that, to keep shalom, etc.

I am not like that. You know what I want? The same thing- whatever the mechutanim want. Except that they should want whatever I want.
I like things to go my way.
I don't like giving in to other people's opinions.
(I have been very easy going, as have my Mechutanim).

I wonder what kind of a mother in law I will be. ha ha ha.

Actually, future Son In Law, henceforth known as SIL1, loves coming to us for Shabbos. So far so good!

MAZEL TOV!!

2010-02-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Only because the name of the blog is Daughters in the Parsha....

One of the daughters is engaged!!

Mazel Tov!

One down, One to go now, one to go in a few years.

May the brachos we see for this one continue on for all the girls who are in the parsha.

I have a new empathy for people. This dating period has been an exercise in being dan l'kaf zchus. For example, the next time some distracted woman smashes her shopping cart into my ankle at Wesley Kosher, I will not feel annoyed and think "I bet her car is pretty banged up, too."
Instead, I will think, "Oh, I bet her daughter is deeply involved in a shidduch, I hope it goes well for her, abigezunt".

Boruch Hashem!!

it's MY school, now

2009-12-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

DIP 1 and DIP 2 graduated years ago from the same school DIP 3 now attends.

Dips 1 & 2 are still close to the school; help out with their concert, proctor tests, substitute, supervise late night events at the school, maintain an ongoing shiur for former classmates- you get the picture. They loved school, the administrators, their friends, and they still feel connected.

but at this point, none of the current 9-12 grades were in school when my daughters were there. So there aren't really any girls who remember their antics, tricks, songs, or class' personality.

I commented on this to Dip 3 this evening, as she was going to her Chanuka Chagiga. I asked, are Dip 1 & 2 going? Do they remember any of the girls from when they were in school?

Dip 3 kind of proudly stated "uh-uh. Their high school classes all graduated already. Now it's MY school."

I always thought she was quite independent and confident with who she is. I still think so. But I didn't realize how much the specter of her older sisters overshadowed her connection to her school. which is now really HER school.

YBS updates

2009-11-25T20:45:00.000-08:00

So he is actually making soup in his crockpot!

YBS went to the local Shoprite and bought loads of vegetables. Second trip. First time he made soup and told me it tasted like bland tap water. Which was the main ingredient he put in the soup, plus half a parsnip, one onion, and a carrot. Second time around, he added squash, cauliflower, onions, potatoes, as well as carrots and parsnip. That soup came out great and he shared it with about seven guys.

You heard right, SHARED IT.

As in, "Would you like some? Here! My pleasure to GIVE you a bowlful."

Woah- I didn't scream at him but I loudly exclaimed,
Me: What on earth? Didn't you want to make some money? Didn't you want to have a new food angle? Didn't you want to sell some soup? Didn't I give you some moolah to buy veggies to make soup to make a profit??!!

YBS: Come on, Ma, I can't sell SOUP. It's like, not a choshuv zach. It's just vegetables! and Water!

Me: You sure can, buster! And chulent? is Just Beans! and Potatoes! And bad stomache aches later on!

YBS: it's just stupid soup!

Me: Oh, and Woodstock was JUST a concert?!?

YBS: ??? Huh??

Anyway, he is trying to diet. He told me he is getting all the bread they serve for lunches and suppers in whole wheat form. Like, subs, shwarma, etc? His will be whole wheat. And Shabbos rolls? His will be whole wheat. So of course I am already thinking, uh huh, whom did you have to pay off for this? But turns out the guy who has the food/haircut markets pretty much does the whole wheat request for free.

YBS is also trying to lose some poundage. He told me there is a treadmill in the dorm!

Me: Great! Can you go on it whenever you want?

YBS: Sort of. See this guy bought it and never uses it, so he charges $1 per use, or $10 from off shabbos to off shabbos.

whatever. He is shteiging, he is happy, he is trying to diet, and I am funding his learning about capitalism

Hierarchy

2009-11-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

YBS is always looking to make money. He just doesn't have opportunities or a very specific skill with which to earn.

In the yeshiva world, or dorm life, opportunities abound:
hair cuts
chulent maker
make chulent
drive to mechel's and buy chulent for everyone
buy kugel
hair cuts

of course there are seasonal things:
sell arba minim. usually a boy whose male relatives are already selling, so he has stock without shelling out his own money.
Purim Shtik. I need a whole post for THIS nonsense. But usually a boy who has a car, and on his way to or from Mechel's or Meal Mart, stops off and buys shtik.
Chulent seller/maker. Always the season for Chulent!!

So we were discussing his options this past shabbos.

YBS: I gotta do something, I need money for stuff
Me: Uh, How about hair cuts?
YBS: nope, AL already gives haircuts.
Me: So? 70 Bochrim is a lot of hair, isn't there room for you, too?
YBS: Stop, ok?! It's not a big deal, I am new in the yeshiva, I don't have to make trouble. Maybe when AL leaves.
Me: okay, I can't believe I am suggesting this,but how about Chulent? get a crock pot and you're all set.
YBS:Some guy already does it, he sells it on Thursday nights.
Me: So? 70 Bochrim is a lot of stomachs, and appetites, isn't there room for you to make, too?
YBS: Ma, what are you doing? these guys already do it, I can't just come in and sell whatever I want!
Me:?? why not?? What good is living in America and Believing in Capitalism if you don't have a little competition? And isn't Chulent Cook leaving Pesach Zman?
YBS: yeah, but AL (the barber) is taking over.
Me: WHAT??!? This is NUTS! the hair cut guy has a MONOPOLY and the rest of you are COWED into simpering unmotivated zombies who just get hair cuts and fress chulent and DON"T EVEN PROTEST!

YBS just stared at me. "I don't get this goyish zachin your sprechen about. It's no big deal.
Me: Okay, so how about making....soup! You can be the soup guy!
younger brother: Oh, soooo cooool. The guy who makes so-oop. slurp slurp yum yum. maybe he can do everyone's nails, too

However, .....YBS bought a small crock pot at Target and when he got to Yeshiva he made himself some vegetable soup.

Slurp slurp, quite good

OFF SHABBOS!!

2009-11-12T16:01:00.000-08:00

YBS is coming home tonight. Yay!! Lots of new terms I never heard of. And laundry and shopping and trips to Mechels and Shacharis at Chatzos in New Square.

I am excited, kind of miss his unique presence in the house.

Stay tuned

I Have the Wedding Cramp

2009-11-12T15:38:00.000-08:00

Literally.

I get this painful cramp in my right hip whenever I go to a wedding. It usually hits around the time I am dancing in the old lady circle with the mother of the chosson/kallah. We do that shuffle thing, which now I have perfected to just dragging my shoes along the floor so I don't have to exert any effort by actually lifting my legs. Or there is the two step kicking thing:
two right kicks to the front,
two left kicks to the front,
jump forward,
jump backwards,
run to the left!!

or the other popular one, but THIS one can go on for a good twenty minutes. When this dance starts I pray it is a wedding where the chosson kallah aren't into dancing (ha ha) and the music will be a short set. This dance is the hora. But not a fun leaping around type, the
right foot forward
left foot forward
box step
right
left,
cherkaziya, or whatever that step is that we learned 35 years ago at Bnos Melave Malka that has not changed one step...

That is when the cramp sets in. Shooting bolts of pain. And did you notice that the dancing is 99% of the time going clockwise? so two wedding in one week and that is a very long and painful workout on my right hip. Or upper thigh. And there isn't even a hip muscle to get firm from all that shuffling and kicking.

Of course for me this is all exacerbated by the upside sweaty hand holder. Sweaty palms are uncomfortable, and the upside hand holder is unpleasant. They are both awful, but combined, sheer agony. And at the last wedding I went to, I got the death grip, too. So here I am dragging my feet during a painful shuffle, searing burning pain in my hip, and the women on my left and right grabbing my hands, upside down, with their slimy sweaty palms, dragging me along because their grips are like those of someone falling off a 20 story fire escape, definitely not letting go. AND this time I had a first experience with one of the upside down sweaty palm grippers, it was totally gross. She interlocked her fingers in mine, kind of like alternating her fingers with mine. Excuse me, lady, we are not newlyweds strolling on the beach. I glared at her and removed my hand, not gently. yich.

What an experience

I Try to Feel Only Simcha....

2009-11-03T20:52:00.000-08:00

I have developed a love/dislike relationship with OnlySimchas.com.

I used to think it was SSOOOOO yentish, and would once a week furtively glance at it, quickly scrolling down to see any names I recognize, getting my fix. reading it in one breath, like Haman's sons in the Megillah.

Then I decided, hey! What's to be embarrassed about??! I was able to call old and forgotten (for a reason) school friends and wish them mazel tov, and casually say when they asked how I knew,
"I saw it on only Simchas!! What a clever website, perfect for us busy people who like to take a quick glance and have the opportunity to catch up and wish congrats to old friends!".

Okay, I don't say that. Quite like that. More like, "saw it on onlysimchas! I love it, great way to to know what's happening!"

Then I used it to see girls I used to know when they were younger, like former babysitters, former neighbors, former acquaintances. Quite convenient.

Eventually it evolved to seeing the names of girls and boys we know. Like my daughters' friends. The best way, of course, is to turn on the computer at midnight or later, when most people are sleeping or groggy, and then shriek while crashing into a desk or piece of furniture, shouting out "G-U-E-S-S- W-H-O- G-O-T E-N-G-A-G-E-D-!!!" At first everyone would come dashing down, because the fun is in seeing the name in print. Except for my husband, who would come crashing out of whatever room he was in (this always happens when he is falling asleep) yelling , "what happened? what fell? what's going on?!" Of course then we have to come up with a good reason as to why we
1. woke him up
2. had to shriek
3. are reading this totally gossip website

Now when it is my DIP's friends, we often know before it is online. But not always, and there is usually a lot of joy. And of course when see when some young clean shaven *boy* who graced our dining room table with small talk gets engaged. And then when they get married. And then when they have their first baby. And maybe their second (not quite, yet). We don't keep tabs, or anything, but we just notice.

Now it is still exciting, and fun, but a little hard sometimes. When we see girls just back from seminary on the list. Or boys whose names we recognize because it was mentioned but they were never available, listed as engaged to a girl who is 19. I really do feel happy for them, because it is the will of G-d and bashert, and everyone will find their zivug. It just tugs, a little.

I'H it will come!!

BTW, I know you can build a bnb. but can you be a source of nachas to yourself??

12, 292??

2009-11-03T17:31:00.000-08:00

12, 292 hits??

Come on you people, if you are really looking at this, at least comment! Even if you find it incredibly dull and repetitive!!

Dry Spell

2009-11-03T17:25:00.001-08:00

Having one now.

We are quite parched, searching through the dunes, trying to find some nourishment.

Okay a bit corny. But I have noticed that this is the term women use when discussing with friends the absence of phone calls for their shidduch age daughters, "we're having a dry spell right now".

Are boys* having a torrential downpour? Gale of sorts? Raining buckets?

*When are they called men? When they are financially independent? Shaving more than once a week?
And "girls"?!?
My mother recently attended her 50th high school reunion, this is how she spoke about it:

"Wow, I just spoke to the organizer, 73 girls are coming!"
Me: That's amazing. How many girls can't come? (maybe it's past curfew)
Mom: Well, 11 are dead. 3 are in wheelchairs, two are nursing sick husbands, and one we can't find. She disappeared.

I would have said, maybe she is in the mall, since girls can get lost there, but I thought it might be disrespectful

and as usual, the end of my post has nothing to do with the title.

The Pillow of Education

2009-10-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

YBS told me that life is different now when raising kids. This 18 year old had a long, frank discussion with his equally wise and world weary 18 year old cousin, and they decided together that:
Parents used to use the Board of Education, now they need to use the Pillow of Education.
If you want your son to do something, don't tell him. Make him think HE wants to do it.

I really shouldn't complain or make fun. Here is my older teenage son telling me how he wants me to be a good parent to him.

Time to sleep on those boards, gotta put my pillows to better use.

2009-09-24T09:21:00.001-07:00

Yeshiva World today presented a Kol Korei from the Rabbonim declaring boys should marry girls close to their own age, or even older, to help solve the age-gap-shidduch-crisis-issue.

Brilliant.
This is how I read into it:

Don't let girls date or marry before they turn twenty. This way they will have earned some money, or begun their schooling, and are closer to finishing a degree and increased earning power.
In turn, it puts less of a strain on parents to help support sons-in-law in Kollel.
In addition, post seminary girls have more realistic obligations and have experienced the realities of juggling school, jobs, and social activities to have a better understanding of commitments and realistic expectations of what life can throw at you.
Therefore parents may actually have two or three children marrying within a few years without the father mortgaging to the hilt and having a heart attack at the 3rd child'sTano'im.

Brilliant! or, duh, extemely obvious.

This actually might also lead to less of the following experience I just had with a potential shadchan.
She called me to suggest boy for one of the DIP's. He is learning, will do so for a few years, then wants to go to grad school. Sounds great! Responsible! NORMAL! But this is how the conversation went:
Shadchan: So this guy is really into his learning, serious about his chavrusos and zmanin, he is just realistic about the future!
Me: sounds great to me
SH: But the mother says she has 100 names and they are all the same
Me: don't worry, my DIP's are different (like really, what SHOULD I have said? mine are the 101st and 102nd of the same??)
SH: The girls who want someone who is only learning get upset that he has a BTL and even talks about going for a Masters, and the ones who want a guy who will work aren't serious about his learning, and don't really want to support him for a few years!
Me: (in a magnanimous (I have no clue why this is now underlined) voice) well, you know, girls panic or aren't sure of what they want, and
SH: no, no, my point is, he is the TYPE to really learn for a long time, but he is very REALISTIC as to the REALITIES of life, and he wants to have a parnossa but he wants a girl who REALLY wants someone who is learning, but he HAS to go to school, but REALLY he is into his learning...

Why is everyone so darn apologetic? Just say it like it is! He is learning and will have a parnossa.

Oy vey

Gmar Chasima Tova

2009-09-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Let's hope this year H'Bhu will answer all of Klal Yisroel's tefilos.

And next year at this time I will be blogging about my sons-in-law

Hello out there, she's MY kid, too

2009-08-24T05:36:00.001-07:00

Well, we don't have the guys yet, but I can tell you that when we do, and we are making a wedding, my name is going to be on the invitation with my husband's. None of this "rav so and so U'reiso".

that isn't tznius, it's just plain idiocy. If it is untzniusdik to write down the mother of the daughter's name, then it shouldn't say Mr. and Mrs. , but just Mr. and Family. don't even write Mr. and Wife. The connotations are too vulgar. And the monogram shouldn't have the initials of the boy, girl, and last name all entwined and mixed together. And I think the word "kallah" in "simchas Chosson V'Kallah" should be left out. People might start to envision a beautiful bride in a flowing gown.

And the whole Badekin thing should be completely obsolete. Let them do the checking thing out in the hall with only parents watching. Do you see the way those boys prance between rows of women?? To be honest, I am even wary about writing this, lest someone claim it is already banned. I can't quite understand why in the frum world it is still allowed.

I think when teaching about who is buried at Me'oras Hamachpela, children should be told "Adam U'reiso" and so on. And Kever Rochel? Should be referred to as "kever achos shel aishes Yaakov". Let's protect our children from exposure to women's names.

That's why I call my daughters DIP1, DIP2, etc.....

2009-07-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

There is a new aspect I don't like about the whole dating/shidduch scene. Not new, but newly realized by me.

Our beautiful bnos yisroel are expected to develop a meaningful relationship after 3 or 4 dates. With an absolute stranger. And if it doesn't work out, and the girl is lucky enough to have a "list", a week or two later she begins developing another meaningful relationship.

You know what? this is wreaking havoc on girls' emotional state.
Even if the boy is boring, ugly, and self centered.
Even if the girl says no.
Even if it ends before it ever leads anywhere "meaningful".

Kudos and Mazel Tovs and yay for those who marry the second or third boy they date.

And I am not whining about girls who have been dating for ten years,
or girls who are negative,
or girls who have unrealistic expectations.

I am talking about girls who have full, busy lives, who date in order to meet their Eizer Knegdo.
They are becoming emotionally exhausted.
I do not mean girls who think it is tragic that they aren't married at 22.
I mean girls who find it hard to share everything with a boy or with their parents because it is the same old stuff.

can someone please tell me a solution? but serious, well thought out options, please.
I KNOW the system stinks, so no complaints. just positive suggestions.

Then maybe I can try to implement some of these new ideas for DIP 3. who isn't yet in the parsha.

Talkin' Tough Does the Trick

2009-07-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

I don't like to admit in public that I am a Vos iz Neias lurker, but I do read their news sometimes. And this article would be a wonderful read for the Obama administration, and, quite frankly, most Americans who continue to believe you can be accomodating and negotiate with Arabs.

http://www.vosizneias.com/35601/2009/07/24/

don't you just love his comment about his public relations skills? Ah! Israeli confidence!

I think some parents would do well to adopt this policy with their kids. A little backbone sometimes is helpful.

I Can See the Chemistry!

2009-07-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

Overheard in a store:
two young women said hi to each other. One looked at the other's baby in the carriage and said,
"Oy! He is REALLY cute! And he Mamish looks like your older daughter! I really see the chemistry!"

I am not sure if the problem is that:
1. when they first heard the expression they weren't paying attention to the way it was said, and subsequently every time they use it, it is incorrect,.
2. they have no idea what chemistry is or means
3. they are like a lot of people in this neighborhood who don't know how to use the English language properly.

YBS could give them lessons. And he has been in camp, so no good conversations with him. When he is home he sleeps.

will wonders never cease

2009-06-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

YBS received a 100 on hisHebrew regent.

and reminded me that he received a 97 on his English regent.

L'maisa, his language skills are nicht ganz gefairlach. He apparently has a very klor understanding of the l'shoinois around him. We're taka, feeling an aliya!!

The Evolution of Terms

2009-06-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

YBS cannot define these terms for me with language I understand. So please help me translate:

a harry

tuna beigel

a yoily (I know it is Satmar, but I still don't get it. Every chassid you think is Satmar you say Yoily?

more to come, meantime, please contribute your own (not a YBS phrase)

and this newer thing of using "sick" to mean amazing? like

"I got a sick grade on my Regents"
"oh, man, that is one sick piece of kugel"

The Ceremony

2009-06-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

YBS will be graduating high school in a few weeks.

Cause for celebration.

I asked him if his Yeshiva will be "doing" anything.

"Sure! It's going to be the Giving Back the Cell Phones Ceremony"

I am thrilled with that, since at least two good ones from the DIP family are in that box.

Padding the Numbers?

2009-04-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

I recently put a counter on this blog. Kind of hopeful that there are way more people reading than commenting. I started the number at 100 (I think, if I remember correctly) because I assumed that at least that many people have looked at it since I began.

Now I am beginning to wonder - should I have started it at 1000? I mean, I am not trying to compete with any other blogs, but is it possible that some blogs which only began a few months ago already have 6,000 hits?

I am quite glad for the blog that has had 400,000 hits. That is half a million, people!! Awesome, great for her! Any mathematicians out there? for a two year old blog, half a million hits, that is like 540 hits a day. Is that actually possible? wow.

or are there so many people out there (you young ones, I expect) who check the same blog many times in one day?

fess up, people!
1. if you have your own blog, what was your starting number for your counter?
2. How often in one day do you view the same blog?

Cool Zachage vs. Intriguing Object

2009-04-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

YBS has been home for two full weeks. At first I noticed that he seemingly is incapable of having a conversation with complete English sentences. Lots of he's and it's repeatedly so we lose track of what's going on, sprinkled with too many zachages and l'maisas, and a liberal dose of stam's and l'choiras, and most of the assembled guests were lost. I pulled him aside by day three of this verbal slaughter and had a conversation with him.

DIP: Listen, honey, we need to have a conversation about how you talk

YBS: grunt or snort

DIP: I mean about how you talk when trying to have a conversation

YBS: huh??

DIP: LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE! the language you use when you talk to us!

YBS: Nivel peh is ossur

DIP: (sigh) and I am proud of your awareness of that. I meant the limited English vocabulary you use when you talk.

YBS: L'maisa you get it, no? whatever, the exact lashon isn't the ikur, it's, like, I don't have to be So medakdek. Anyways, everyone has some yeshiva connection, they know the lashon, it's like, ...

DIP: that is not the point. You (here I launch into one of my favorite speeches) represent Torah, a Yeshiva Bochur, and you want people think highly of you. You wouldn't walk around with a stained white shirt, would you? It's not bekovodik.

YBS: okay, that stain was not my fault. I ran out of shirts from the cleaners.

DIP: also not the point. You cannot possibly be this dense, you are the son of intelligent people. Focus! You need to cut down on the yeshivish lingo when you talk! it sounds ridiculous and (trump card) Your grandparents hate it. So at least when they are here don't talk that way.

YBS: Uh, didn't Grandpa go to Telsz? The Gedoioilim (his oi's are somehow so emphasized, especially notable in our clearly non oi family) l'choira spoke that way. it's the kesher with bochrim, with the yeshivish oilam. but fine, kibud av v'aim is very choshuv, ganz choshuv. I'll be mishtadel to be mistapek more closely my words.

DIP: oh, and that's another thing. you did NOT go to a cheder, and we do not speak yiddish here. So don't even think about ending sentences with verb modifiers or whatever they are.

YBS: (clears throat), mother dearest, I understand your concern that in public I present myself as an intelligent and verbally sophisticated individual. And when the time comes, I will not embarrass you or Dad or the rest of the family by mumbling and rambling incoherent sentences that the non jewish or non yeshivish world cannot navigate. however, I am currently in a different matzav/ I mean environment, and this is how I feel comfortable communicating.

DIP: I chap! I chap! Gevaldik!!

We Have Progressed He is Independent!

2009-04-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

A great discovery has been made about YBS!

Even though he is home, he wants to do his own laundry!

Okay, he does everything together, on warm. Guess what? He is being responsible, so what do I care??

Except the 220 thread count %100 cotton sheets I am doing separately. I have some standards.

Of course the effort will make him hungry so when everyone again meets in the kitchen at 10:30 p.m. the hunt for edibles will begin once more.

I actually made a real supper. Well, sort of real. Baked Ziti. More carbs. Just noodles. and YBS did dishes!

Someone is maturing....

But I am not yet ready for Sons in the Parsha.

call child welfare services

2009-03-31T17:37:00.001-07:00

my kids are starving.

The fridge is so empty I can see the back and the reflections of the containers on the glass shelves.

I love it. My kids hate it.

YBS: I am staying in yeshiva, there's mamesh no Oichel and this Matzov is Geferlach.

DIP1: uh, what's for supper?

ME: (brightly) you have many choices! I have four hot dogs, two hamburgers, some buns, and when they defrost, we will know if they are hot dog or hamburger buns- right now they're a little squished in the bag. AND I found a quarter of a bag of brocoli, two breaded chicken fingers, and looky here! an ENTIRE container of Tofutti sour cream, 3/4 of a container of Chummus, yum! and TONS of sorbet. What a treat! Let's have dessert first, as a special pre- pesach treat!

DIP3: (stamps into kitchen, flops on chair) this is SO not funny! I am beyond famished and starving! I ate the sludge from the bottom of the cereal container and I don't even know which cereal it was!

ME: ho ho! It was all of 'em! I combined the cereals two days ago so I could put away the containers and throw out all those boxes cluttering up the shelf. What a wonderful shmorgasbord for breakfast! ha ha!

DIP1: what's for supper?

ME: you like salmon? right? Tada! Looks like it was already spiced, just microwave it and your gourmet meal is ready!

DIP1: (after microwaving). Uh, Ma?? I think this was the leftover lox we brought home from the bris. The stuff on it was that curly spinach? that goes under the platter? but it was stuck on with the saran wrap? So that's why now it looks shiny? what should I eat?

ME: the salmon! where do you think lox comes from?? lots of healthy fish oils in that! and spinach! Woah, just loaded with vitamins! Here, I found an extra 1/2 a whole wheat pita under the soup that defrosted and refrosted when the freezer was left open. Looks like it was onion soup, so it's milchigs! Just microwave the pita quickly and gobble it up, could get rubbery when it cools off.

DIP1: great, more plastic for supper.

YBS: (screams with delight) hey!! I found some of those Spring Valley pastry zachiges! are they fleishig? great! I can cut up the yapchik (that's what this foil is, yeah) I got four weeks ago from Mechil's and throw it all in!

ME: (Gaily) and throw in some ketchup, this breaded chicken drumstick, and the five diced pieces of zuchinni I found stuck to the bottom of the prune filling! Your feasting! Your mamesh feasting!
!

then I secretly go into my bedroom, into the bathroom, and as I muffle my voice into the towels, I call my husband and tell him to pick up two corn beef sandwiches on the way home. Yup, we are all eating well tonight !

If Ya Ain't Married Ya Don't Count

2009-03-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

so says one of the daughtersintheparsha.

we were at a simcha this week. oldest DIP was placed with all the single girls, she being the oldest, another one post high school, and then...all the rest of the girls in high school. and a few in elementary school. lower, lower grades.

DIP says if you aren't married, you don't count, you're just stuck with the singles. I gotta agree. There was one married girl one year older than her, and another married girl her age. Each of them have two kids. And they were on the adults table.

DIP also says this is in the 'yeshivish community, a problem'. I agree again. Purpose in life post high school being....get married and have babies. So if you aren't there yet, lump 'em all together at one table - fourth grade, seventh grade, 10th grade, and 3 years post seminary.

People sit at a simcha and whine and kvetch about how "it's CRAZY how we all have to -

send our girls to seminary in Israel, what a total waste of money"

oh yeah? you wouldn't even look at a girl for your son if she didn't go to the right places.

"it's CRAZY how we all have to-
have our boys go to the best yeshivos. Some boys are WONDERFUL boys and are not top students! let them LIVE!"

guess what. some boys aren't wonderful. they don't have unique talents, they don't shine in anything, and they don't even have such great midos. A mother at this same simcha said to me about her boys "and my one yingle struggles in school, (here's the disclaimer!!) but THAT son?!? I"ve NEVER had a discipline issue with him. it is so sad, he is SO kind to his siblings and is ALWAYS mevater for everyone, but school is hard! I just know he will be wonderful because he has these EXCEPTIONAL middos"

and what if he didn't? is he still unimportant in the eyes of G-d? I don't think so.
why are we so elitist?

Finally Facing the Book and It Ain't Worth the Hype

2009-03-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

I did it.

I joined facebook.

and I regret it already. my daughtersintheparsha say it is social networking, a quick way to keep up. I ask, why is it necessary to keep up that frequently?

In real life it isn't necessary to know the mindless drivel and idiocy and plethora of inane unimportant facts that people post every fifteen seconds:

such as:

Shprintze Yentel burnt supper!

Hocker Macher going to the post office!

Tzufloigen Hoisen lost his keys, took the spares!

who cares?

and boy does this waste TONS of time.

FIrst Emaciated, Now Slouching?

2009-02-26T07:19:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the new Lord & Taylor catalog?

I think slouching is now a new modeling technique, or style.

One of the models is slouching in almost every picture. Not really a slouch, more of a concave body arch, like the beginnings of a collapse due to bad cramps.

Her expression kind of goes with the whole contortion.

Hello, give your models Midol before snapping the picture.

She OBVIOUSLY doesn't have a good jewish mother who yelled at her every day before she went off to high school "Stand straight! You look nebbish! What are you cowering about? Your beautiful! Gorgeous! And you need every Inch!"

Maybe she screamed back at her mother, "Oh yeah?? When I grow up and get outta this one horse town I and my Slouch are going to be Famous!"

and so it is!

Good Boy, Good Home, Good Family

2009-02-19T16:44:00.000-08:00

Who makes that decision about what or who is good?

Is it if there are no kids at risk, no relatives divorced, no sister that dresses too trendy, no siblings in any Out-Of-NY-Schools? Who decided that those things render a family "different" "off beat" or "not good"?

Or is it a "Good" family, home, boy, because they do everything like everyone else?
Nothing out of the ordinary?

Why are we so afraid of people and families who are a bit different?

It's like an unpredictable popularity game; even if the details all look the same, you never who is going to be "in" and who isn't.

2009-02-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

I stray today from my usual lightheated complaints to open a discussion and see what you have to say about it.

yeshiva tuitions are strangling us. Even if a family has only three children, not very common in our Orthodox world, the tuition can be, at a minimum, $30,000. If you are sending to high school, seminary, or Yeshiva, the fees go up. So a family with 5-7 children, ranging from a pre-school to seminary, post high school yeshiva, or any college (Touro, community, four year), is drowning in tuitions.

What do we do?

There has been talk that educating our children should become a community responsibility. No one would disagree.

But I suggest, or humbly ask:
Do we need SO many kiruv organizations? Do we need SO many Hachnasas Kallah organizations? How many "unique, individualized, small" new boys' high schools do we need in the greater Tri-State area? Can't these various, very important, and successful organizations combine forces?
Ah, you say, then what will all those employees with children in Yeshiva do for Parnassa?

My answer? Something else. Not in the kiruv/chinuch field.

And combine the Chinese Auctions. Or have a percentage of each Chinese Auction go to support a school in the same community.

Let's face it, when the Orphanage in Israel sends you a pad of paper, or a Kiruv organization sends you a glossy brochure of five dollar tickets, which of them is getting your money?

Do you contribute to A big famous Chinese Auction for a Yeshiva you have no connection to?
or Do you contribute for a small box of candles from a Yeshiva that has been sending out candles for decades? Have only changed the size of their box? (actually, I give them a check: for the candles, the powdered Charoses, and the esrog jam).

So there must be some way the struggling Yeshivos can cash in on the money brought in to organizations for Chinese Auctions.

YES!! I mean NO!! oops! Sorry! Move on!

2009-02-11T12:22:00.001-08:00

A boy gave us a yes to date one of my daughters in the parsha.

We didn't get back to them quickly enough, in their opinion, so they decided to "move on".

They gave a yes Friday afternoon- late- and changed their minds by Tuesday night.

Think maybe THIS contributes to the shidduch "crisis"? Saying yes, then saying "sorry, we waited long enough and in our opinion you should have already gathered all your info, so too bad! The next unmarried girl awaits the attention of my son! Tra la and good luck!"

my favorite: They consulted with Da'as Torah who told them it was okay to go on to the next girl.

deeeep breaths...

what do YOU think? Dear blog followers, be honest, even though you are my readers, tell me if you think we were wrong (I am not even discussing reasons or excuses, I think they are irrelevant).

Thou Shall Not Lie... in Bed Shabbos Morning

2009-02-04T19:17:00.001-08:00

Is going to shul on Shabbos morning an "issue" in your house?

I think the females should go. They don't always agree.

Should Shabbos only be about sleeping late, getting up to eat, sleeping the afternoon away, and then rousing yourself to get dressed, do your face, and go out partying with friends?

Somehow there isn't much sanctity there.

Something nice about davening in shul, hearing laining, hearing a speech, saying a whole bunch of Amen's. Without a party.

what say you?

Another Shidduch Meeting

2009-01-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

Took place in my home over the past few weeks. Twas a rather shattering experience.

A broken window pane in a door, and a broken pane in an indoor bedroom window. The pane of glass met with a well rounded individual, who was a bit too strong minded for our more delicate nature. We are trying to mend the relationship to the tune of $130.

Will my boys ever grow up? I am not even thinking of replacing the broken storm windows until they get married. Unless they come back with their own boys and say,
"hey, see those three windows over there? Think you can aim your baseball there and smash them really hard? Like I did every summer?"

Revising Jewish History

2008-12-31T21:07:00.000-08:00

Maybe it isn't actually history, but revising the past to fit our current zealous over chumra'd lifestyle.

To clarify: A local Bais Yakov is putting on a play (more on this in my next post) and one scene has girls from an out of town high school performing in a talent show. Okay, it's possible! But the clothes they must wear for this scene? Uniforms!

Hello- which out of town high school on which continent-certainly not North America- wore uniforms TWENTY years ago? And this gets better: the girls playing the part were told to wear white knee socks.

I graduated high school, to be vague, between 20 and 25 years ago. I wore argyle socks, patterned socks, short socks, funky colored socks. But white? Hey, even back then white knee socks were kind of nebby. White knee socks were for chassidish men.

My issue with this is that we are trying to revise history. There was nothing wrong with NOT having a uniform for a Bais Yakov school back in the 1980's.

It's like people who refer to the alter zaidy whose name was Hymie as Zaidie Chaim, when no one except for the rabbi during an Aliya called him Chaim.

You know what's a shame? The principals, teachers, and people who decide on plays and content and costumes don't usually read blogs.

Or listen to opinionated parents, either. They just label those parents as "not supporting the beliefs of the school".

My stomach roils (is that even a word?)

I Smell A Festa Hock

2008-12-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

YBS is just too funny with his yeshivish lingo, I just had to write a bit more.

So we are all hanging out in the kitchen during the family Chanuka party, and I am arguing with one sister how I will not make sandwiches for my other sister who is driving home the next day (we fall into the same patterns and argue the same things we did when we were kids), when my son strolls in and says,
"Woa, I Smell a Festa Hock goin' on over here"
My sisters don't have Yeshiva Bochur Sons- not old enough, not yeshivish, whatever. They stare at him. Then they look at me:

"What is wrong with him?"

Would YOU be able to explain this is one minute? It is a whole culture, and my sisters are way out of it. I remind them of that adorable (actually, not so cute any more since I am living with it) Abie Rottenberg song, "yeshivisha reid" about all the yeshivish language these young boys use.

It is not the same listening to the song, and then having it live (pronounced with the long i) in your house all the time.

Of course I tell YBS it is none of his business, but that's when my sister, the one I won't make lunches for, exclaims how thrilled she is that she lives out of town. HAH! Until she needs a school for HER son!

So my Festa Hocker Yeshiva Bochur Son hangs out with us in the kitchen.

And as the conversation goes on, wonder of wonders, he participates employing normal English! THERE IS HOPE! HE CAN CONVERSE WITH ADULTS!

Evolution

2008-12-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

That was a bad word when we were kids. Kind of like Nazi and Pork. But I want to write about evolution....of this blog.
My original plan had been to vent and rant about all related shidduchim issues, since I have "daughters in the Parsha" (what a hideous expression. Most of the daughters mentioned in the parshios are infamous or have a tragic end). But I got rid of all my previous blog entries, because
1. I think they were boring
2. No one read them, or if they did, no one commented on them.

I decided to change direction. Then I realized, I can really write about whatever I want!
The name of the blog is about how we identify ourselves. Right now shidduchim is a big part of my life. But all the other things I write about? Also real life. So for all of you burning with curiosity and the completely original name for my blog, here it is.
Now on to more fascinating conversations with YBS.

He lost his phone charger, and wants his sister to give him her old phone (if my kids spoke like the way I write I would throttle them. he? she? it? who are we talking about?) His sister doesn't want him to have it, and is trying to negotiate. Throughout this escalating yelling match, as I balabustishly stand there frying donuts for the oilam , YBS says:

YBS: "You are an achzor. This is mamosh Achzorius. Plain and simple"
Daughter: "You mean an achzorit. Like the epiteme of something. Like a Gazlan, the ultimate thief."

(NOTE: I AM SSSOOOOO PROUD OF HER WONDERFUL BAIS YAAKOV DIKDUK EDUCATION! RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH! BAIS YAAKOV'S ROCK, HA HA HA)

YBS: "whatever, you're mamesh living the midah"
Me:"is this some new yeshivish midah I've missed in all the years of signing Midos charts and doing Midos Alerts and attending performances about Midos?"
YBS and Daughter: "it means CRUELTY"

Okay, one of my kids just accused the other of extreme cruelty. Because she won't give him her old phone and he won't buy a new charger.

another happy evening in the Daughters in the Parsha household. Happy Chanuka!!

$180 mil is sick and what kind of a dumb name is Teixeira, anyway?

2008-12-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

There is jealousy and then there is increduilty and then there is mind boggling jaw dropping breath stopping shock.

This is beyond even that.

I enjoy an occasional baseball game at the stadium.
I believe baseball is okay for frum yeshiva boys.
I think other people can do what they want with their money.
I think some people have a specialized, incredible talent, and they do so much for a large portion of the population. Like transplant baboon hearts in monkeys, or create fruit computers.

I do not get paying some guy with an idiotic name (yes, I think that is important) one hundred and eighty million dollars to PLAY (For gosh sake we don't even pretend to call it work!) for four, maybe 5 or 6 with extra innings, hours a day, maybe five days a week, for maybe six months.

Sick.

aren't these owners embarrassed? Like when some agent is negotiating a salary and they say a number like this, does anyone at the table flinch?

Is this like some big Emperor's New Clothes story, and one day some owner is going to get up before the seventh inning stretch and scream to the bleachers

"I could be paying off all the heads of every union that is holding our senate hostage and still have leftover money to take my family to a hotel for Pesach!" everyone would probably cheer him even though he made no sense because (tra la la) when your rich they think you really know"

but really, someone, please, enlighten me as to how the numbers got this high for something which is a sport and entertainment.

Interesting thought on chanuka, when we talk about triumph over the Greeks who revered the physical prowess and strength of the human body...

Eight nights, Eight latkes? Or is that 64?

2008-12-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

So Yeshiva Bochur Son decided that every night of chanuka he has to eat as many latkes as that night. According to the number. Conversation:

YBS: " Hey, Ma, I don't smell a certain Matzav going on in the kitchen"
ME: "and in real life English that translates to..."
YBS: "What?! No latkes? It's the first night! I think L'choira you're shterring my oineg chanuka"
ME: "You want 'em, you make 'em. I just got my sheitel done and this shirt is dry clean only. Do you know how badly everything smells like rancid oil when you stand in front of a frying pan? I nearly gag when I have to carpool after chanuka suppers and the car fills up with kids who reek like fried garlic and fried oil and fried fries and other smelly greasy foods. Ugh, my stomach is roiling and heaving and..."
HUSBAND WHO RARELY CONTRIBUTES BUT HAS HAD ENOUGH: "let him make them"

* note * this is why I blog. Who can have a conversation with someone who talks like this? four words??

YBS: "K, I am doin' it. Where's the grinding zach?"
ME: "In the storage zach called a CABINET"

I must admit he did a great job, putting out all the ingredients first, following the recipe in the Kosher Pallate, only stopping to shout

YBS:" I am parched! Any mashkeh around here?"

Of course my newly cleaned kitchen reeked like fried latkes, but everyone was happy. And happy kids make happy Moms.

So tonight, night 3, he comes in:
YBS: "the mitzva of oil is zicher not only in salad, Ma, we gotta have Latkes. And it is the third night, so I need to eat three. And you didn't make any last night, so I need two more. Lemaisa you should grada thank me for making supper"

I did. They smelled awful and everyone was happy.

Tomorrow I will make donuts. That has a different smell. (Not really, I just don't like potatoes)

I Have A Crazy Week!

2008-12-22T09:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, I got issues with this crazy week descriptor. People are busy. But crazy? Like,
driving kids to music lessons
driving kids to swimming lessons
driving kids to art lessons
driving kids to chesed,
driving kids to gymnastics, aerobics, karate, choir practice, dance practice, practice for practice?
Like that kind of crazy?
or like,
I am cooking for people sitting shiva
I am cooking for people who had babies
I am cooking for this at risk yeshiva with 4 boys I do it every week it's no big deal,
I am cooking for someone laid up with an illness/bad pregnancy/bad mood?

Or crazy, like,
I have to go to the shoemaker to pickup/drop off seven pairs of shabbos shoes and killer heel boots,
I have to go to the cleaners to pickup/drop off my six teenage yeshiva bochurs' shirts and suits, and my daughters' dresses which we had lengthened/shortened,
I have to pick up paper goods for the simcha I am making
I have to pick up props for the simcha I am making,
I have to pick up the people from the airport who are coming in for the simcha I am making something for,
I have to pick up my children from all the above places I drove them to,
I have to go to the city to pick up something I ordered,
I have to go to Woodbury Commons to return something I bought,
I have to go to Brooklyn to exchange something I bought/got (and you know Brooklyn, 24 hours to exchange or it's yours forever)

or crazy like,
I am home with three sick kids,
I am home with one sick teenager,
I am home with a sick spouse which is worse than all the sick teens and kids of the world combined,
I am home waiting for my cleaning woman,
I am home waiting for my repair man.
I am home waiting for the cable guy (DON'T PANIC! ONLY FOR THE DSL LINE FOR MY COMPUTER AND MY MARRIED KIDS IN ISRAEL TO CALL ME ON! NOT CABLE T.V.!! POO POO)
I am home waiting for an estimate,
I am home because no one plowed my driveway and I have a flat (Scratch that one, it implies sitting around uselessly and drinking tea, relaxing, a big no-no)

or crazy, like,
I have to go run to the mall to get a scarf,
I have to go run to the further out mall to get a pair of boots I have a coupon for and the local store doesn't have,
I have to go run to the mall in another state to get the linen I've been watching that's on sale now,
I have to go run to the mall over the bridge to get the coat my sister on the West Coast needs,

okay. We make choices, called getting married, having a family, taking care of them, being involved in community affairs. That ain't crazy, ladies, THAT IS LIFE.

Which leads to my related next rant:
OY! I AM WIPED.
"I just had my inlaws for shabbos, and my married daughter."
So? -But we don't say the word "so?" we say- "Oy, I know what you mean. I just had my in laws and my married daughter and my married son with the new baby. A bit of a screamer. But a cutie."
So? "I just had my in laws, my two married kids, and my nephew from Israel with his three vilta chaya boys, you know those Israeli cheder kids, zero derech eretz."

Okay, so now, my inlaws and married daughter are no work whatsoever, because ya'll just told me how that was nothing compared to your horrible houseguests!(and I liked having them over, but I am now too scared to say that, who knows how you will one up that comment).

Or how about this one:
OY! I AM WIPED!!
"I just packed up my three kids for overnight camp. Ma-jor shopping! But thankfully, over."
"I just packed up my five kids for overnight camp"
"I just packed up my five kids for overnight camp for the whole summer, plus my two nephews who live in Florida and came here a week before camp started because their parents had a Simcha in Belgium"
"WOW! you guys are amazing! I only had to pack up four kids and one nephew, but he was such a help since he has been here since the bar mitzva we made two weeks ago for 300 hundred people. I am so thankful I am going to Israel now for five weeks. Can't wait to see my married daughter and the triplets for whom I am bringing some clothes and furniture I got on sale on line so I only had to run to a mall/Woodbury/another state/another continent once to get her the stuff she needed. You are all such inspiring friends!"

I am a bad friend?

I offer, volunteer, take care of my kids, do what I have to do. We are all doing it. Does that make it less difficult or time consuming or overwhelming? Why can't we just say,
"wow. you must be zonked. and you must feel accomplished. great for you. do your kids appreciate what you do? do YOU appreciate yourself and how much you get done?"

Less pontificating, Less one upping, More compliments, More sympathy (even if youknow you can do more and do it quicker and more efficiently)

I just have this vision of women with flying wigs and little puffs of smoke in a trail behind them as they dash in and out of cars and stores and schools and malls and simchas halls and grocery stores. Gasping for breath and grabbing bread ends and gulping water and zooming around their world.

Sit on the couch. Drink some tea. Nibble leftover shabbos nash (Shabbos=less calories).
Have a day where you go to work, do some errands, talk to the kids, talk to your mom, cook supper, eat and shmooze with the family, and go to bed.

I hope you feel accomplished, you should.

I'm living in my blog

2008-12-18T20:12:00.000-08:00

My daughter told me she won't read my blog because everything I write about she experiences or is a part of:
davening for the first time at Tzemach Tzedeck
stupid questions women ask in shiurim
my use of the word bling
me complaining about the way everyone drives through red lights

I guess there is nothing interesting in reading your mother's rants when you were sitting next to her as she was screaming.

no refunds even if we reject you

2008-12-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

This post is in response to a comment about seminaries on another blog...

Do you think it is fair that seminaries that dump you and decide you are not the material they are looking for get to keep your application fee?

I don't

And all of us parents who are applying to many seminaries and can barely afford it (another post another day)but HAVE to send our girls to Israel, could better use that money for the seminary tuition. Or all the other myriad expenses we have with our children (B'H)

Less yeshivish weddings are WAY more fun and Bais Yaakov concerts should allow for more creative dancing

2008-12-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

It's not even that I had fun, cuz I am too much older than the young wigglers to actually do what they do. But the weddings with BY girls? Dull dancing. Hey! It's separate dancing, with the Berlin Wall (pre removal) protecting any evil roaming eye from looking at them, and they still can't dance naturally and without abandon!

The Stern/Touro Manhattan chevra love shrieking as they dance. Every time another girl goes in the middle to swing with the bride, there is a new round of blood curdling screams of thrilledness.

And whatever happened to the old custom of lifting up the bride and groom to swing a napkin at eachother over the mechitza?

Okay, one wedding there was a girl wearing killer heels that I kid you not, a millimeter higher and it would have tipped her over flat on her face. PLUS she really should have worn control top pantyhose. I mean, I really don't stare, and try not to pass judgement, but hey, if you are not going to wear a slip, think of how the dress might (or might not) fit you.

Ever see the dances at the girls concerts? Like, the Bais Yakov concerts? They all do the exact same moves every single year. Jerky, ungraceful, boring moves. Maybe they should go to a Y.U. wedding and watch how the girls dance.

Bling! Bling!

2008-12-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

I like using that word. It sounds nicer than sparkly, which I have been using for years.

My daughters say I sound like an over 40 woman trying to be hip.

which I am. Hip. VERY hippy. it goes with being over 40.