The Ceremony

YBS will be graduating high school in a few weeks.

Cause for celebration.

I asked him if his Yeshiva will be "doing" anything.

"Sure! It's going to be the Giving Back the Cell Phones Ceremony"

I am thrilled with that, since at least two good ones from the DIP family are in that box.

Padding the Numbers?

I recently put a counter on this blog. Kind of hopeful that there are way more people reading than commenting. I started the number at 100 (I think, if I remember correctly) because I assumed that at least that many people have looked at it since I began.

Now I am beginning to wonder - should I have started it at 1000? I mean, I am not trying to compete with any other blogs, but is it possible that some blogs which only began a few months ago already have 6,000 hits?

I am quite glad for the blog that has had 400,000 hits. That is half a million, people!! Awesome, great for her! Any mathematicians out there? for a two year old blog, half a million hits, that is like 540 hits a day. Is that actually possible? wow.

or are there so many people out there (you young ones, I expect) who check the same blog many times in one day?

fess up, people!
1. if you have your own blog, what was your starting number for your counter?
2. How often in one day do you view the same blog?

Cool Zachage vs. Intriguing Object

YBS has been home for two full weeks. At first I noticed that he seemingly is incapable of having a conversation with complete English sentences. Lots of he's and it's repeatedly so we lose track of what's going on, sprinkled with too many zachages and l'maisas, and a liberal dose of stam's and l'choiras, and most of the assembled guests were lost. I pulled him aside by day three of this verbal slaughter and had a conversation with him.

DIP: Listen, honey, we need to have a conversation about how you talk

YBS: grunt or snort

DIP: I mean about how you talk when trying to have a conversation

YBS: huh??

DIP: LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE! the language you use when you talk to us!

YBS: Nivel peh is ossur

DIP: (sigh) and I am proud of your awareness of that. I meant the limited English vocabulary you use when you talk.

YBS: L'maisa you get it, no? whatever, the exact lashon isn't the ikur, it's, like, I don't have to be So medakdek. Anyways, everyone has some yeshiva connection, they know the lashon, it's like, ...

DIP: that is not the point. You (here I launch into one of my favorite speeches) represent Torah, a Yeshiva Bochur, and you want people think highly of you. You wouldn't walk around with a stained white shirt, would you? It's not bekovodik.

YBS: okay, that stain was not my fault. I ran out of shirts from the cleaners.

DIP: also not the point. You cannot possibly be this dense, you are the son of intelligent people. Focus! You need to cut down on the yeshivish lingo when you talk! it sounds ridiculous and (trump card) Your grandparents hate it. So at least when they are here don't talk that way.

YBS: Uh, didn't Grandpa go to Telsz? The Gedoioilim (his oi's are somehow so emphasized, especially notable in our clearly non oi family) l'choira spoke that way. it's the kesher with bochrim, with the yeshivish oilam. but fine, kibud av v'aim is very choshuv, ganz choshuv. I'll be mishtadel to be mistapek more closely my words.

DIP: oh, and that's another thing. you did NOT go to a cheder, and we do not speak yiddish here. So don't even think about ending sentences with verb modifiers or whatever they are.

YBS: (clears throat), mother dearest, I understand your concern that in public I present myself as an intelligent and verbally sophisticated individual. And when the time comes, I will not embarrass you or Dad or the rest of the family by mumbling and rambling incoherent sentences that the non jewish or non yeshivish world cannot navigate. however, I am currently in a different matzav/ I mean environment, and this is how I feel comfortable communicating.

DIP: I chap! I chap! Gevaldik!!

We Have Progressed He is Independent!

A great discovery has been made about YBS!

Even though he is home, he wants to do his own laundry!

Okay, he does everything together, on warm. Guess what? He is being responsible, so what do I care??

Except the 220 thread count %100 cotton sheets I am doing separately. I have some standards.

Of course the effort will make him hungry so when everyone again meets in the kitchen at 10:30 p.m. the hunt for edibles will begin once more.

I actually made a real supper. Well, sort of real. Baked Ziti. More carbs. Just noodles. and YBS did dishes!

Someone is maturing....

But I am not yet ready for Sons in the Parsha.

call child welfare services

my kids are starving.

The fridge is so empty I can see the back and the reflections of the containers on the glass shelves.

I love it. My kids hate it.

YBS: I am staying in yeshiva, there's mamesh no Oichel and this Matzov is Geferlach.

DIP1: uh, what's for supper?

ME: (brightly) you have many choices! I have four hot dogs, two hamburgers, some buns, and when they defrost, we will know if they are hot dog or hamburger buns- right now they're a little squished in the bag. AND I found a quarter of a bag of brocoli, two breaded chicken fingers, and looky here! an ENTIRE container of Tofutti sour cream, 3/4 of a container of Chummus, yum! and TONS of sorbet. What a treat! Let's have dessert first, as a special pre- pesach treat!

DIP3: (stamps into kitchen, flops on chair) this is SO not funny! I am beyond famished and starving! I ate the sludge from the bottom of the cereal container and I don't even know which cereal it was!

ME: ho ho! It was all of 'em! I combined the cereals two days ago so I could put away the containers and throw out all those boxes cluttering up the shelf. What a wonderful shmorgasbord for breakfast! ha ha!

DIP1: what's for supper?

ME: you like salmon? right? Tada! Looks like it was already spiced, just microwave it and your gourmet meal is ready!

DIP1: (after microwaving). Uh, Ma?? I think this was the leftover lox we brought home from the bris. The stuff on it was that curly spinach? that goes under the platter? but it was stuck on with the saran wrap? So that's why now it looks shiny? what should I eat?

ME: the salmon! where do you think lox comes from?? lots of healthy fish oils in that! and spinach! Woah, just loaded with vitamins! Here, I found an extra 1/2 a whole wheat pita under the soup that defrosted and refrosted when the freezer was left open. Looks like it was onion soup, so it's milchigs! Just microwave the pita quickly and gobble it up, could get rubbery when it cools off.

DIP1: great, more plastic for supper.


YBS: (screams with delight) hey!! I found some of those Spring Valley pastry zachiges! are they fleishig? great! I can cut up the yapchik (that's what this foil is, yeah) I got four weeks ago from Mechil's and throw it all in!

ME: (Gaily) and throw in some ketchup, this breaded chicken drumstick, and the five diced pieces of zuchinni I found stuck to the bottom of the prune filling! Your feasting! Your mamesh feasting!
!


then I secretly go into my bedroom, into the bathroom, and as I muffle my voice into the towels, I call my husband and tell him to pick up two corn beef sandwiches on the way home. Yup, we are all eating well tonight !

If Ya Ain't Married Ya Don't Count

so says one of the daughtersintheparsha.

we were at a simcha this week. oldest DIP was placed with all the single girls, she being the oldest, another one post high school, and then...all the rest of the girls in high school. and a few in elementary school. lower, lower grades.

DIP says if you aren't married, you don't count, you're just stuck with the singles. I gotta agree. There was one married girl one year older than her, and another married girl her age. Each of them have two kids. And they were on the adults table.

DIP also says this is in the 'yeshivish community, a problem'. I agree again. Purpose in life post high school being....get married and have babies. So if you aren't there yet, lump 'em all together at one table - fourth grade, seventh grade, 10th grade, and 3 years post seminary.



People sit at a simcha and whine and kvetch about how "it's CRAZY how we all have to -

send our girls to seminary in Israel, what a total waste of money"

oh yeah? you wouldn't even look at a girl for your son if she didn't go to the right places.

"it's CRAZY how we all have to-
have our boys go to the best yeshivos. Some boys are WONDERFUL boys and are not top students! let them LIVE!"

guess what. some boys aren't wonderful. they don't have unique talents, they don't shine in anything, and they don't even have such great midos. A mother at this same simcha said to me about her boys "and my one yingle struggles in school, (here's the disclaimer!!) but THAT son?!? I"ve NEVER had a discipline issue with him. it is so sad, he is SO kind to his siblings and is ALWAYS mevater for everyone, but school is hard! I just know he will be wonderful because he has these EXCEPTIONAL middos"

and what if he didn't? is he still unimportant in the eyes of G-d? I don't think so.
why are we so elitist?

Finally Facing the Book and It Ain't Worth the Hype

I did it.

I joined facebook.

and I regret it already. my daughtersintheparsha say it is social networking, a quick way to keep up. I ask, why is it necessary to keep up that frequently?

In real life it isn't necessary to know the mindless drivel and idiocy and plethora of inane unimportant facts that people post every fifteen seconds:


such as:

Shprintze Yentel burnt supper!

Hocker Macher going to the post office!

Tzufloigen Hoisen lost his keys, took the spares!

who cares?

and boy does this waste TONS of time.