I will not reveal details that might help you figure out who this is. But as we say here in Monsey, this is a "Maysa Shehaya, Mamesh".
DIP3 had an out of town friend, LS, over for an extended weekend. She decided to meet some local shadchanim. I give LS credit - another girl would have repeated this story in tears, but LS was just amused.
The shadchan complained about, or rather, laced into this girl, LS, about..
her hair - how she wore it, what she had in it (funky feather headband) how thin it was, even the color - a beautiful, shiny black. Shadchan mentioned dying it. She removed the headband and bobby pins, redid the style. Then took about 8 pictures, with LS's camera. And said "THIS is a good shidduch picture".
her hands - she should wax them. I had to remove my glasses to notice any hair on her hand. This is not a girl with fur. But the shadchan confided in her how shadchan's OWN SON was disgusted by the hair on his wife's hand, and how she, the helpful mother in law, suggested her daughter in law have it removed.
her clothes - the color, according to the shadchan, was all wrong. I thought it was a lovely dark aqua blue. Actually, a breath of fresh air to not wear all black. The color went very well with this beautiful girl's coloring - olive skin, black hair, huge dark brown eyes. And the style? It was too loose. She should wear clothes that were more fitted.
her smile- Yes! Her Smile! She smiles too much! Too wide! Shadchan told her she has to smile less, or smaller.
LS told me that if the shadchan had just insulted her about one particular thing, she would've been upset. But this rampage went on for more than half an hour. DIP3 was waiting in the car, wondering what on earth they were talking about.
Which is another interesting thing - at no point did the shadchan chat with LS to find out about her, her personality, what she's like, what she wants, etc. At least, nothing more than the perfunctory "oh-you-want-a-learner-earner-ok".
Let us also talk about how this shadchan agreed to meet LS but then was not the easiest to pin down to a time. I get that, she works, has limited time. But if you are presenting yourself as a shadchan, don't make the girls feel like they are nudging you and begging you for a brief meeting. Pick a time that works. Don't act like your time is gold and she is nothing and you will TRY your HARDEST to squeeze her in for at LEAST a few minutes at SOME POINT.
Who is this LS? A charming, graceful, beautiful girl who is full of personality and charm, with a huge lichtige smile that reflects her Simchas HaChaim. She wouldn't even condemn this woman, even though I was fuming and stomping around my kitchen pontificating and yelling about her. LS just said, "I don't think I'm going to send her the pictures she took from my camera!" And she put her funky feathery headband back on.
Perhaps part of what motivated this shadchan was her experience as a mother marrying off boys. And the things that were important to her sons. But as LS said, "I'm not a Flatbush clone and I don't want a boy who wants that".
It's like DIP1 complained about for years - the problem is the boys' mothers.....
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Patrick Farm
There is some hope in the Patrick Farm debate.
It is an area of roughly 200 undeveloped acres here in Ramapo, right near the Monsey community, that a developer wants to develop into 400+ multi family housing units, and 87 single family units. We're talking thousands of people in an area that is quiet, wooded, undeveloped, almost forest-like.
Most of the neighbors are against it as it would change the quiet, undeveloped nature of the neighborhood. They are also concerned about the impact on environment, water, sewage, basic infrastructure.
And because this issue and complaints have been ongoing for years, the debate has continued. Now there is a possibility that someone will reconsider the amounts.
So if you are local, PLEASE write your displeasure, disagreement, opinion. Authorities are accepting letters or communication until January 30th.
Dear Sirs;
Please do not (over)develop the Patrick Farm area. We are the current residents. We live here. They don't. Please don't choose the desires of developers over the interests of the current population, who moved here because of the quiet nature, undeveloped land, and rural like qualities of the area.
We are the residents. We are the constituents. Others who aren't here shouldn't have a voice over us.
Thank you.
Has this happened in your area, too? I'd love to hear from you.
It is an area of roughly 200 undeveloped acres here in Ramapo, right near the Monsey community, that a developer wants to develop into 400+ multi family housing units, and 87 single family units. We're talking thousands of people in an area that is quiet, wooded, undeveloped, almost forest-like.
Most of the neighbors are against it as it would change the quiet, undeveloped nature of the neighborhood. They are also concerned about the impact on environment, water, sewage, basic infrastructure.
And because this issue and complaints have been ongoing for years, the debate has continued. Now there is a possibility that someone will reconsider the amounts.
So if you are local, PLEASE write your displeasure, disagreement, opinion. Authorities are accepting letters or communication until January 30th.
Dear Sirs;
Please do not (over)develop the Patrick Farm area. We are the current residents. We live here. They don't. Please don't choose the desires of developers over the interests of the current population, who moved here because of the quiet nature, undeveloped land, and rural like qualities of the area.
We are the residents. We are the constituents. Others who aren't here shouldn't have a voice over us.
Thank you.
Has this happened in your area, too? I'd love to hear from you.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Why I Love My Kids
I can use them as excuses.
As in, "sorry I couldn't come over, the kids are home sick"
"the kids are home fighting"
" the kids aren't home yet"
"the kids are coming home soon"
"I can't find my kids"
that last one never happened, or I wouldn't have actually admitted it to anyone.
But that entity called Children At Home Who Need Me is slowly coming to a long drawn out end.
DIP3 had a real job interview today! (now blog post title changes to DIP3 is Out There!)
well, mainly real.
She's pretty confident. Actually very. And talented. And a conversationalist. And can actually make eye contact and respond to adults when they talk. Quite a feat.
'til she found parking downtown created some stress, but she's a cool customer. But she was concerned about the interviewer for this internship, probably head of a department. Her father told her to wear pearls. Looks more sophisticated, shows she'd be serious about the workplace. She did her polite eye roll, which was more like a flutter, without the snort, to be kind to her Old Dad. But we agreed that pearls are passe and no one expects a 19 year old college student to wear pearls.
So she traveled into Manhattan, dealt with bad weather traffic, found a lot available for vans 10 minutes away, strode confidently in to the building armed with clever comments about the business, fresh copy of her resume, and loads of advice from her Experience-With-Interviews-Father and .....mother.
And she was interviewed by a 20 and 21 year old!! Young Shnooks! The whole thing took 10 minutes! And they told her they interviewed college seniors, too. Which means priority. But of course I know she's probably the best suited for the job, so who cares who is older?
I will withhold comment until she hears back from them. Sigh.
But it reminds me of a similar (actually, not so similar, really) event that happened to me in high school. Our school play was a performance of Annie. I tried out like everyone else for the play,, hoping for the main part. I got the part of the smallest orphan. Probably because I was such a shrimp, and very loud (remember her part? She wakes up screaming from a nightmare). After the parts were given out and I was thoroughly disappointed not to get the main part, one of the heads of the play (with, in my opinion, almost zero acting ability) told me she and another girl really thought I was best suited for the part, but they didn't think it was right to give the main part of the high school play to a ninth grader, so they gave it to a 12th grader. Who actually did the part really well, but come on!!
so you hear that, _ _ _ _?? (name of company)
HIRE MY DAUGHTER!
As in, "sorry I couldn't come over, the kids are home sick"
"the kids are home fighting"
" the kids aren't home yet"
"the kids are coming home soon"
"I can't find my kids"
that last one never happened, or I wouldn't have actually admitted it to anyone.
But that entity called Children At Home Who Need Me is slowly coming to a long drawn out end.
DIP3 had a real job interview today! (now blog post title changes to DIP3 is Out There!)
well, mainly real.
She's pretty confident. Actually very. And talented. And a conversationalist. And can actually make eye contact and respond to adults when they talk. Quite a feat.
'til she found parking downtown created some stress, but she's a cool customer. But she was concerned about the interviewer for this internship, probably head of a department. Her father told her to wear pearls. Looks more sophisticated, shows she'd be serious about the workplace. She did her polite eye roll, which was more like a flutter, without the snort, to be kind to her Old Dad. But we agreed that pearls are passe and no one expects a 19 year old college student to wear pearls.
So she traveled into Manhattan, dealt with bad weather traffic, found a lot available for vans 10 minutes away, strode confidently in to the building armed with clever comments about the business, fresh copy of her resume, and loads of advice from her Experience-With-Interviews-Father and .....mother.
And she was interviewed by a 20 and 21 year old!! Young Shnooks! The whole thing took 10 minutes! And they told her they interviewed college seniors, too. Which means priority. But of course I know she's probably the best suited for the job, so who cares who is older?
I will withhold comment until she hears back from them. Sigh.
But it reminds me of a similar (actually, not so similar, really) event that happened to me in high school. Our school play was a performance of Annie. I tried out like everyone else for the play,, hoping for the main part. I got the part of the smallest orphan. Probably because I was such a shrimp, and very loud (remember her part? She wakes up screaming from a nightmare). After the parts were given out and I was thoroughly disappointed not to get the main part, one of the heads of the play (with, in my opinion, almost zero acting ability) told me she and another girl really thought I was best suited for the part, but they didn't think it was right to give the main part of the high school play to a ninth grader, so they gave it to a 12th grader. Who actually did the part really well, but come on!!
so you hear that, _ _ _ _?? (name of company)
HIRE MY DAUGHTER!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
School Rules - Feh
School rule - no phones.
School rule - no phones in school.
School meeting - please don't get your high school child a phone.
Most parents of the class - buying their kids phones.
am I the difficult parent here??
These are probably the reasons parents are buying their high school teens their own phones:
Parents want their kids to be accepted, cool, with it.
They are powerless to say no.
They need a very enticing motivational prize/gift/incentive to get their difficult teens to cooperate about....things.
My favorite: They Deserve It.
Really? Why?
For doing their homework? Handing in assignments? Not fighting with their younger siblings?
I am a parent who has bought things or done things with her children because I feel they've earned it. I understand our innate parental desire to give, give, give to our children. Been there, done that.
But if a school has a rule about not having phones, if EVERY RAV AND MECHANECH AND MENAHEL AND PRINCIPAL AND LEADER IN OUR ORTHODOX WORLD has told us how bad it is for kids to have unfiltered access to phones, unlimited texting, unlimited picture taking/receiving ability, why are parents blatantly ignoring the words of our leaders??
Many of you who know me personally (and I am beginning to think that is all who is reading this, because almost no one comments, and I know the few who do) know that I am not one to run and automatically embrace every thing I hear, all the time. But the non stop pleading of teachers, principals, leaders, rabbonim, of how bad it is out there for our kids, made worse by having phones, makes me wonder- really. Why are parents choosing the desire of a 15 year old over sensibility? Wisdom? Words from those "in the field" - school, community, shul leaders?
please - your comments. especially you lurkers who never speak up. we have an epidemic - now's your time to say your piece
School rule - no phones in school.
School meeting - please don't get your high school child a phone.
Most parents of the class - buying their kids phones.
am I the difficult parent here??
These are probably the reasons parents are buying their high school teens their own phones:
Parents want their kids to be accepted, cool, with it.
They are powerless to say no.
They need a very enticing motivational prize/gift/incentive to get their difficult teens to cooperate about....things.
My favorite: They Deserve It.
Really? Why?
For doing their homework? Handing in assignments? Not fighting with their younger siblings?
I am a parent who has bought things or done things with her children because I feel they've earned it. I understand our innate parental desire to give, give, give to our children. Been there, done that.
But if a school has a rule about not having phones, if EVERY RAV AND MECHANECH AND MENAHEL AND PRINCIPAL AND LEADER IN OUR ORTHODOX WORLD has told us how bad it is for kids to have unfiltered access to phones, unlimited texting, unlimited picture taking/receiving ability, why are parents blatantly ignoring the words of our leaders??
Many of you who know me personally (and I am beginning to think that is all who is reading this, because almost no one comments, and I know the few who do) know that I am not one to run and automatically embrace every thing I hear, all the time. But the non stop pleading of teachers, principals, leaders, rabbonim, of how bad it is out there for our kids, made worse by having phones, makes me wonder- really. Why are parents choosing the desire of a 15 year old over sensibility? Wisdom? Words from those "in the field" - school, community, shul leaders?
please - your comments. especially you lurkers who never speak up. we have an epidemic - now's your time to say your piece
Thursday, January 10, 2013
I'm Not Impressed With Their So-Called Tough Parenting
Two mothers have been much lauded in the news recently for their tough parenting.
I'm not impressed, and here's why:
Where were they being tough in the first place?
Or what were they thinking, that their responsible teenager would suddenly only be responsible and not be a teen?
Mother #1 gave her son an iphone with a list of 18 rules. Rules make sense. But I have an issue with some of them.
"Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you.Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling."
"talk to people"
"don't be rude"
things like that.
They sound like smart parenting, only who waits to make it a condition with an iPhone? Shoulda started when he was young, Momma, then you don't need these rules. And he IS a teen of 2013. of COURSE he texts non-stop. Of COURSE he googles everything! "Take a walk"? He probably hitches rides with kids whose parents give them cars for their 16th birthday.
Which leads to our next Praised Mom. The one who put an ad in the paper as Angry Mom selling her 16 year old's truck because he got drunk and arrested.
Duh. He Is 16. His Brain is a Teenaged Boy. NOT an adult. So why are you giving him his own vehicle in first place??
What the heck is the matter with parents? Why can't they just parent?
I'm not impressed, and here's why:
Where were they being tough in the first place?
Or what were they thinking, that their responsible teenager would suddenly only be responsible and not be a teen?
Mother #1 gave her son an iphone with a list of 18 rules. Rules make sense. But I have an issue with some of them.
"Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you.Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling."
"talk to people"
"don't be rude"
things like that.
They sound like smart parenting, only who waits to make it a condition with an iPhone? Shoulda started when he was young, Momma, then you don't need these rules. And he IS a teen of 2013. of COURSE he texts non-stop. Of COURSE he googles everything! "Take a walk"? He probably hitches rides with kids whose parents give them cars for their 16th birthday.
Which leads to our next Praised Mom. The one who put an ad in the paper as Angry Mom selling her 16 year old's truck because he got drunk and arrested.
Duh. He Is 16. His Brain is a Teenaged Boy. NOT an adult. So why are you giving him his own vehicle in first place??
What the heck is the matter with parents? Why can't they just parent?
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Conversations in Carpool
Carpool Kid:"So the Rosh is away for two weeks,. that means kids are getting kicked out this week."
Huh?? I asked what that was all about.
"When he goes away they throw out the bad kids"
(I see massive generalizations don't really end yet at high school)
Me, The Driver: " What are you talking about?"
Carpool Kid: " Well if the Rosh Yeshiva is around then he will say to the menahel, give him another chance. when he's away - chop!"
Me: (slightly horrified at that graphic image of "chop") "Don't you think the Menahel discusses these things with the Rosh? Before taking any.... action?"
Carpoolian: "Yeah, maybe, whatever. Definitely kids get suspended"
Me: " Why?" (forgetting the numerous suspensions of my own charming well behaved sons in said school)
Carpoolian: "For really stupid things. Like sitting in the Rebbi's chair"
okay, at this point the humorous conversation got upsetting.
Because this generation thinks that punishing for sitting in a rebbi's chair is stupid. Because some of these kids do not understand what being respectful is. Frightening
Huh?? I asked what that was all about.
"When he goes away they throw out the bad kids"
(I see massive generalizations don't really end yet at high school)
Me, The Driver: " What are you talking about?"
Carpool Kid: " Well if the Rosh Yeshiva is around then he will say to the menahel, give him another chance. when he's away - chop!"
Me: (slightly horrified at that graphic image of "chop") "Don't you think the Menahel discusses these things with the Rosh? Before taking any.... action?"
Carpoolian: "Yeah, maybe, whatever. Definitely kids get suspended"
Me: " Why?" (forgetting the numerous suspensions of my own charming well behaved sons in said school)
Carpoolian: "For really stupid things. Like sitting in the Rebbi's chair"
okay, at this point the humorous conversation got upsetting.
Because this generation thinks that punishing for sitting in a rebbi's chair is stupid. Because some of these kids do not understand what being respectful is. Frightening
They're All Americans (all)
So one night I went out with my two lovely nieces. After repeatedly asking them where we should go to eat, and both of them being too polite to say "Please! a nice restaraunt!" we went to Rimon (dairy) in the Mamilla Mall. Of course one niece and I glanced at each other when the street entertainer began playing Jingle Bells, but otherwise, a beautiful evening in an outdoor cafe with two of my favorite nieces (from among my many many favorite nieces.)
Anyway, I know why I was there with them. A treat. But what about the HORDES of girls eating out at this restaurant by themselves?? And I heard that there's a group that eat out almost every night!
The next night we went out with YBS 1, now shteiging away in the Holy City of Jerusalem- to Rimon (meat, of course. Parents don't have to come to Israel to take you out for pasta, duh). And at least 4 tables were full of Yeshiva Boys!! NOT with parents?!?! on a regular Tuesday night! and being the nosy diner that I am, I can tell you they didn't order grilled chicken salad and bottled water.
I get it, somewhat. The level of freedom not afforded our suburban children here in America.
Walking around neighborhoods with streets named after rabbis (Hey, I've been saying that since LONG before any Abie Rotenberg song :)
The spiritual atmosphere. The freedom. The pull of the smell of grilled food that is Kosher.
Parents and Principals not hovering over their every action.
Everything is Hebrew. Jewish. Am Yisroel.
and with Tatti's credit card, free
And I know the Israelis really benefit from all the American students who pump money into the economy. But it just bothered me.
Anyway, I know why I was there with them. A treat. But what about the HORDES of girls eating out at this restaurant by themselves?? And I heard that there's a group that eat out almost every night!
The next night we went out with YBS 1, now shteiging away in the Holy City of Jerusalem- to Rimon (meat, of course. Parents don't have to come to Israel to take you out for pasta, duh). And at least 4 tables were full of Yeshiva Boys!! NOT with parents?!?! on a regular Tuesday night! and being the nosy diner that I am, I can tell you they didn't order grilled chicken salad and bottled water.
I get it, somewhat. The level of freedom not afforded our suburban children here in America.
Walking around neighborhoods with streets named after rabbis (Hey, I've been saying that since LONG before any Abie Rotenberg song :)
The spiritual atmosphere. The freedom. The pull of the smell of grilled food that is Kosher.
Parents and Principals not hovering over their every action.
Everything is Hebrew. Jewish. Am Yisroel.
and with Tatti's credit card, free
And I know the Israelis really benefit from all the American students who pump money into the economy. But it just bothered me.
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