Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Greatest Scam, or Wedding Advice Tip #1

Gown Rentals.

What a scam being foisted on the frum community.

I know, I know, if no one participated, rented, bought into it, then "it", whatever "it" is, would stop.

Stores here in Monsey rent wedding gowns- bride, mother of bride, family members.  low end can be $150. But that is a gown that has been rented to people for nigh on three to four years. Shopworn, dated, used looking.  That is a decent price, I suppose.
But $500? Or $850? for Mom of Bride? for RENTAL??? yes! capital letters! I am shrieking!

Bridal stores SELL gowns for that price.  Even with building up, (the term for adding sleeves. or in some cases, an entire top) the cost is often the same as a rental. So why on earth are we all spending this money just to rent something?

Help! The Emperor's New Clothes!  And I have used that term before but I don't remember for which post. But I can tell you that there are some things we all do cuz everyone else does it and it just does not make sense.

So here is my brilliant advice to all you singles, mothers of singles, sisters, and young girls just starting your dating career:
start looking for wedding gowns NOW.  If you can have pots, dishes, quilts, and tupperware containers in your attic because they were on sale, why is a wedding gown any different? Start looking at bridal magazines to get a picture of what you want. Walk into a bridal store, Jewish or otherwise, to see if you like white, off white,  diamond white, ivory, cream, lace, lace with sparkles, lace with crystals, heavy glitz, no glitz, drop waist, tafetta skirt, ball gown skirt, empire waist, princess skirt, ruffles, gathers, pleats, straight, fish tail, round neck, high collar, v-neck, sweetheart neck, added sleeves, added straps, belts, bows, gathers, lace on top, smooth on top, one material, two materials, silk, tafetta, silk-wool, tafetta-wool, tafetta-silk, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve, bell sleeve, puff sleeve, train, bustle, and on and on and on.

Of course things come and go in style, but if your 18 or 19 and everyone in your family got married by 20-21 and you're hopeful the same will happen to you, save  yourself a lot of running around and buy.it.now!!

disclaimer: This is NOT complaining. This is NOT kvetching. We are THRILLED to be busy with this. We have been waiting for this for a long time. This is just a piece of timely advice.

Monday, June 25, 2012


B'chasdei Hashem!  DIP 1 is engaged! To a wonderful boy whom we are so glad to welcome into our family!

that leaves DIP 3, just returned from the Holy Land.  But not yet...

I think I have survivors' guilt.

DIP 1's single friends all came to her engagement party/vort.  It was great to see them.  Did I imagine I saw a certain excitement, but sadness in their eyes? There are way too many of them, 25 + years old. And I know many of their mothers. We have commiserated.  Is it condescending to say this? Does it sound like I'm very full of myself? Is it demeaning in some way? To say that as excited and deliriously happy we are for our daughter and her chassan, there's almost a kind of sheepish guilt, or odd feeling of why are WE the ones Hashem chose to now answer? We have davened  and cried to Hashem, asking that our daughter find her zivug, and now that she did, I feel such a great relief.  Almost forgotten is the feeling of dread and despair and anguish of a few months ago, When another boy said no, another series of dates ended in "it's going nowhere". And I can't believe that after five years of dating, I would get over those anxious feelings so quickly. Perhaps that's part of the "guilt" - that I've abandoned the group I belonged to. That I escaped that group of people who really go about doing their daily routines  with the heavy pall of sadness and anxiety hanging our their heads.

I'm even saying "their" instead of "our" because I am no longer a part of "them". 

The Mothers of Single Girls Who've Been Dating For Years.

If you've felt this, please. share with me. 

Not the way I imagined this post would be written. I thought I'd write all CAPS, enthusiastic exclamations,  gushy excited comments, etc. 

My simcha is not diluted. I'm just reflecting....