Tuesday, December 6, 2011

random "complaints"

doesn't every yeshiva kid learn that we aren't supposed to kneel?

from whence came this trend of these frum guys proposing on one knee? it's like, so goyish. blech.

and I am really "fed up" with the misuse of quotation marks on "store" signs.

for example:
please give your "key tags" to the cashier at the register.
Specials: "turkey" salad, "chicken" salad.

and my favorite:
mazel tov to Yanky on his new baby "boy".

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Rivka emainu tells her father: "I want to get married!"
Her father responds in confusion :"You are only 3 years old!"
Rivka responds: "But I'm in the parsha!"

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Spend One of The Holiest Days of the Year in the Cemetery!

Once I again I rant against going to Uman for Yom Tov.

I don't care what the holy Breslover Rebbe said. I don't think he meant for 40,000 Jews to leave their families and regular shuls to go daven at his grave. And his supposed statement of daven here and you'll be saved sounds sort of like some other religion that talks about being saved...
Do mitzvos- that will "save" you.

Daven with your sons at your side. On real chairs in a real building that is B'kovodik for the prayers you will be saying. Then go home to your family and enjoy a beautiful Yom Tov Seuda that your wife prepared, not some caterer. And say and listen to divrei Torah from your children.

Don't throw money at a bunch of Ukrainians who hate you and tried to obliterate you once before in the not so distant past.

Sorry, I don't think it's beautiful that there are rooms set aside in European airports for overflow and minyanim. I don't think it's wonderful that hundreds of store owners are shlepping over there with cots, tents, food, concessions, etc. I am all for capitalism but doesn't anyone feel like standing up and saying THIS IS UTTER NONSENSE AND NOT THE WAY JEWS SHOULD BE CELEBRATING ROSH HASHANA!! I don't think it's amazing the way Jews from Israel and America and other parts of Europe are all gathering together. Let them gather together in their shuls. Or at the Kosel. Or gather the money they are spending and give it to the Aniyim of Eretz Yisroel. Or of their country.

Utter Lunacy.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Am Not Picky and Please Follow Up

that's actually just a title for two issues about shidduchim that have been bothering me lately. not related.

I hate that term. People have likes and dislikes. My daughter is not "picky". Just because your daughter was lucky enough to find her mate and get married 20 seconds after she came back from Israel doesn't mean she wasn't "picky". she just found what she wanted right away.

Is a girl picky because she finds fat guys unappealing?
Is a girl picky because she wants someone who is a particular personality?
Is a girl picky because she wants a guy for a husband who is similar to the men in her life (father/brothers/uncles/close relatives) whom she respects, admires, and is comfortable with?

Next time I am with you and you start talking about being picky I will say, or ask you:
why do you live in THAT neighborhood? Weren't you being picky when you chose it?
Why do serve that type of chicken, is your family picky?
Why aren't you eating the mushrooms in your food? Shopping at the same grocery store as I do? Attending a particular shiur? and last: WHY ARE YOU SAYING NO TO SOME SHIDDUCHIM BEING RHEDT TO YOUR SON? OR DAUGHTER?

follow up:
please don't tell me every time you see me "Oh, I am working on this and this shidduch".
either work on it - or don't.
either suggest it - or don't.
it doesn't take two years for a mother of a boy to say "we are not interested" or "we looked into it". If youpre serious, then call the mother frequently. Yes. Be. A. Pest. You want to help girls get married? FOLLOW UP

Monday, July 25, 2011

I Did NOT Post on Shabbos!

shout out thanks to my sis at icebergcarwash.blogspot.com for pointing out the date stamp on my last blog post. which I posted mid week but for some reasons shows up as being posted 18 minutes before Nacht on Motzei Shabbos. So until I change the time stamp, don't worry.

I will not be amongst those teens who text on shabbos.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

It Stinks...Like Chickens

Big question as to how a proposed chicken slaughterhouse at the edge of New Square got a government grant. Question, because everyone in the area was against it. Including many residents of New Square. It will be built along Rt. 45, which is a main street but goes through residential homes.
We can thank other elected officials who do their job by pushing the agenda of the block vote: Charles Schumer and Eliot Engel.


Sunday, May 29, 2011

when did chassidus turn into a religion of believing that the rebbi is a direct liason to G-d?

been there, done that, he was crucified. wasn't that the story?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Sick Out There and Getting Sicker

To paraphrase that icon of talk shows, Bob Grant....

If we have been working so hard to make sure our children (rightly so) are protected from the evils of the secular world, why are there so many more children Off the D?

Why is Lakewood full of organizations and yeshivos and programs and projects to help the wayward lost souls of that community, if that is one of the communities that insists on conformity, lack of exposure i.e. internet, library books, secular studies, etc.? We should be celebrating the renewed commitment to a Torah lifestyle because of all the limits and bans and restrictions and controls we have placed on our children and community!

I don't get it

-all black clothing because color, which Hashem created and has all around us in His beautiful world, in untzniusdik
-all separate affairs with moveable walls for mechitzas (when did trees become too lenient?)
-modest swimwear. hello, who are they swimming with in the first place? just women!
-no pics of women in any magazines or newspapers or billboards advertising dinners they are supposedly being honored by
-open houses or school orientations where men are requested not to attend
-graduations where dads are not invited (thankfully not at my daughter's school, but at another local BY high school)
-no more dance performances at all girls' high school concert (same BY high school)

Monday, May 2, 2011


I still have Daughter In the Parsha but I have now moved on to a new moniker:


with all the benefits - hold the little cutie but give him back if he screams
change him but only if it isn't too messy or unpleasant
actually I don't even mind that stuff

of course the DIP family is really excited- the new parents are staying here so that means real food and real supper for the next week or so

and no, that isn't a typo:
UMA, like OMA. for grandmother.
who says an OMA can't be hip? like, UMA Thurman?

thanks for the suggestion, MK

Please Comment!!

33 of you looked at my post today and NO ONE commented!! hey people I need to hear from you!

Use A Frying Pan Not an Iron, Please

I am not sure what cooking went on in my house after hours before Pesach, but someone somewhere was really starving and took desperate measures to cook.
Yellow oily stuff was oozing out of my iron as I tried to unwrinkle some shirts yesterday.
the holes on the iron were clogged with some blackened crusty residue.

I think someone tried cooking. I know that in dorms worldwide the Iron has become an innovative sandwich maker/frying pan/pannini alternative. But this was really quite gross. The holes on the iron are clogged with varying shades of black and brown hardened (food?) residue. So I filled the steaming hole with lots of water and then repeatedly pushed the little button with pictures of cloud bursts on it. As the steam came out, it loosened the crusty stuff which dripped all over the place, but did not look like anything edible. Rather like yellowish brown sand granules. I tried licking one but was revulsed before I could determine the taste. Anyway, it wasn't dripping out and melting fast enough, so I unplugged the iron and just lowered it into a sink full of water.
Boy did I get a little vibrating buzz through my arm. I thought if it's unplugged you can't get electrocuted?! Anyway, it loosened the black and yellow crusty stuff but then it began to drip all over the place and come out from under the whole metal plate. I finally shook the iron and after cleaning up the sink, floor, mirror, wall, and my arms, decided it was all nice and clean.
So I went to iron a shirt for Mr. High School Son.
Who just called me from Yeshiva to tell me there are varying shades of big yellowish brown spots all over his shirt.
I told him to enjoy his lunch. Not sure what it is.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Serious Things I Worry About

If Chas V'shalom, G-d forbid, I was in an accident, a coma, or hadGuillain Barre Syndrome, would anyone remember I wore lenses? and remove them??
keep that in mind, please.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Reposting: lack of food erev YomTov

I should have listened to my sister the Eitza Lady and sent this in to one of the jewish magazines. But I didn't (maybe next year) so here it is again, with some slight revisions. is it like this in YOUR house??

*(YBS is Yeshiva Bochur Son. See earlier posts for fascinating observations of this Being)

Call child welfare services

My kids are starving.

The fridge is so empty I can see the back and the reflections of the containers on the glass shelves.

I love it. My kids hate it.

YBS: I am staying in yeshiva, there's mamesh no Oichel and this Matzov is Geferlach.

DIP1: uh, what's for supper?

ME: (brightly) you have many choices! I have four hot dogs, two hamburgers, some buns, and when they defrost, we will know if they are hot dog or hamburger buns- right now they're a little squished in the bag. AND I found a quarter of a bag of brocoli, two breaded chicken fingers, and looky here! an ENTIRE container of Tofutti sour cream, 3/4 of a container of Chummus, yum! and TONS of sorbet. What a treat! Let's have dessert first, as a special pre- pesach treat!

DIP3: (stamps into kitchen, flops on chair) this is SO not funny! I am beyond famished and starving! I ate the sludge from the bottom of the cereal container and I don't even know which cereal it was!

ME: ho ho! It was all of 'em! I combined the cereals two days ago so I could put away the containers and throw out all those boxes cluttering up the shelf. What a wonderful shmorgasbord for breakfast! ha ha!

DIP1: what's for supper?

ME: you like salmon? right? Tada! A salmon fillet! There are some green things floating on it, looks like it was already spiced, just microwave it and your gourmet meal is ready!

DIP1: (after microwaving). Uh, Ma?? I think this was the leftover lox we brought home from the bris. The stuff on it was that curly spinach? that goes under the platter? but it was stuck on with the saran wrap? So that's why now it looks shiny? what should I eat?

ME: the salmon! where do you think lox comes from?? lots of healthy fish oils in that! and spinach! Woah, just loaded with vitamins! Here, I found an extra 1/2 a whole wheat pita under the soup that defrosted and refrosted when the freezer was left open. Looks like it was onion soup, so it's milchigs! Just microwave the pita quickly and gobble it up, could get rubbery when it cools off.

DIP1: This is awful. I am going to that new shwarma place.

ME: No, No!! I’ll find something in that freezer, don’t lose hope! Here, I found one individually wrapped Homemade Oatrageous Granola Bar, from when I made them to take on our Chol Hamoed Succos trip. You love these things! Warm it up. Share it with your younger sister. Whole grains fill you up beautifully, one half should be fine.

DIP3: (after trying to unwrap the foil from the Homemade Granola Bar) uh, Ma? Are you sure this was only in the freezer since Succos? Cuz the foil is disintegrating in miniscule pieces and there are now silver shavings all over my new skirt, and….. HEY! This isn’t a Homemade Granola Bar! This is a misshapen block of fresh yeast! Gross, now it’s crumbling all over my new skirt! Even eating cold noodles, or…or…melting ice cream is better than the horrific lack of food situation in this household! This is so not funny. Since a week after Purim I have been in a state of starvation, depravation, and famishedness!

YBS: (screams with delight) Hashem, thank you!! I found some of those Spring Valley puff pastry zachiges! are they fleishig? Great! I can cut up the yapchik (that's what this foil is, yeah) I got four weeks ago from Mechil's and throw it all in! Is this squished foil pan from behind the pots fleishigs? Can I use it on the grill for all this shtus?

ME: (Gaily) You bet, Mr. Creative Chef - and throw in some ketchup, this breaded chicken drumstick, and the five diced pieces of zuchinni I found stuck to the bottom of the prune filling! Your feasting! Your mamesh feasting!

My phone rings. It is the Father. Of this charming brood of children who don’t appreciate the abundance of food in our home considering the starving people in Japan and Haiti and other washed out cities and countries.

HUSBAND: Hi there, hope you had a great day with the kids home, did they help? (sneer, which I could hear). Anyway, I just got off the bridge, I’ll be home in about 12 minutes. And we didn’t order lunch today, I ran to work straight from shul this morning without breakfast or even a coffee, and remember last night I wasn’t feeling well after shiur so I didn’t eat dinner. I am beyond famished. Hope you have something good for dinner. And don’t pass vegetables or soup as a main course, I need heavy protein and lots of it. What did you make?

DIP3: (who can miss a request if I bellow it over her head but can hear the other side of a cell phone conversation from the other side of the room) FORGET IT, DADDY!! There is ab-so-lute-ly no-thing edible in this household! Get us sushi! Take us to Teaneck! GO TO GRANDMA and get her shabbos leftovers! Something!

I quickly dash around the food deprived/weakened members of my household and leap into the bathroom, and as I muffle my voice into the towels, I ask my husband to pick up two corn beef sandwiches on the way home. Yup! Some of us will eat well tonight !

Sunday, January 30, 2011

shidduch crisis

We are having a little shidduch crisis over here at the DIP's home.

We can't decide between two boys of seemingly good virtues, intelligence, fine breeding, and all the other traits so essential in finding a mate.

Bachelor #1 has been known to us for a while. Fits the profile.
Bachelor #2 just came on the scene. Intriguing background.

our own little decision crisis. and we'd better decide quick or we'll be accused by shadchanim as being difficult and do we want the DIP to get married or not?