Tuesday, March 31, 2009

call child welfare services

my kids are starving.

The fridge is so empty I can see the back and the reflections of the containers on the glass shelves.

I love it. My kids hate it.

YBS: I am staying in yeshiva, there's mamesh no Oichel and this Matzov is Geferlach.

DIP1: uh, what's for supper?

ME: (brightly) you have many choices! I have four hot dogs, two hamburgers, some buns, and when they defrost, we will know if they are hot dog or hamburger buns- right now they're a little squished in the bag. AND I found a quarter of a bag of brocoli, two breaded chicken fingers, and looky here! an ENTIRE container of Tofutti sour cream, 3/4 of a container of Chummus, yum! and TONS of sorbet. What a treat! Let's have dessert first, as a special pre- pesach treat!

DIP3: (stamps into kitchen, flops on chair) this is SO not funny! I am beyond famished and starving! I ate the sludge from the bottom of the cereal container and I don't even know which cereal it was!

ME: ho ho! It was all of 'em! I combined the cereals two days ago so I could put away the containers and throw out all those boxes cluttering up the shelf. What a wonderful shmorgasbord for breakfast! ha ha!

DIP1: what's for supper?

ME: you like salmon? right? Tada! Looks like it was already spiced, just microwave it and your gourmet meal is ready!

DIP1: (after microwaving). Uh, Ma?? I think this was the leftover lox we brought home from the bris. The stuff on it was that curly spinach? that goes under the platter? but it was stuck on with the saran wrap? So that's why now it looks shiny? what should I eat?

ME: the salmon! where do you think lox comes from?? lots of healthy fish oils in that! and spinach! Woah, just loaded with vitamins! Here, I found an extra 1/2 a whole wheat pita under the soup that defrosted and refrosted when the freezer was left open. Looks like it was onion soup, so it's milchigs! Just microwave the pita quickly and gobble it up, could get rubbery when it cools off.

DIP1: great, more plastic for supper.

YBS: (screams with delight) hey!! I found some of those Spring Valley pastry zachiges! are they fleishig? great! I can cut up the yapchik (that's what this foil is, yeah) I got four weeks ago from Mechil's and throw it all in!

ME: (Gaily) and throw in some ketchup, this breaded chicken drumstick, and the five diced pieces of zuchinni I found stuck to the bottom of the prune filling! Your feasting! Your mamesh feasting!

then I secretly go into my bedroom, into the bathroom, and as I muffle my voice into the towels, I call my husband and tell him to pick up two corn beef sandwiches on the way home. Yup, we are all eating well tonight !


Mikeinmidwood said...

Hey all that starts next week not this one, youre way to ahead.

john said...

fantastic! This cracked me up.

daughtersintheparsha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
corner point said...


I started getting suspicious that you are actually my mother--I was not aware that my mom started blogging, but the description of the fridge and freezer leftover contents summed up exactly what we have left in our house *to the tee*!
But we have no YBS in our family, so I guess you're not my mom :-P

In any case, you really made me laugh :-D

nmf #7 said...

That post was hysterical! Thanks for that!! Now- how do I convince someone to eat leftover kishke...

daughtersintheparsha said...

NMF#7--leftover kishke? A cinch. just add one of it's crucial original ingredients - oil. fry it up. the crispy fried part will also hide any mushy moldy parts that may have been growing


G6 said...

Funny stuff.
I'm sure glad I'm still one of the sane ones who actually SELLS CHOMETZ (not just the smell left on the tupperware container that was left in the back of the fridge with cholent in it for 3 months.... like even the DOG would touch THAT).

tembow said...

LOL :) great post! sounds like something my mother would do! but B"H we're still eating pretty well. don't know about shabbos, tho. that's a tough one!!

daughtersintheparsha said...

Tembow:shabbos you have to get invited to someone going away for yomtov
G6: we also sell, and with our stuff, sell the schnapps of frummies who don't sell anything (but can't throw out certain things, either)

daughtersintheparsha said...

corner point: see how connected all of Klal Yisroel is? Starving children throughout jewish homes around the world! empty fridges across the bustling metropoli and fruited plains!

tembow said...

we usually get invited out but this year we didnt. my mother says she wants to buy all the food for shabbos instead of making everything. (yeah right!)

G6 said...

Ohhhhh.... so you're the neighbors "PESACH GOY" :D
If selling is not permitted to them then isn't what you sold 'chometz she'ovar' ???
I'll never understand them.
I think you should keep their stuff and watch them get mad and then ask them if they didn't give it 'for real'

tembow said...

btw i showed my mother this post and she was like, "I would totally do that!!"
(and that's exactly what i had said earlier) LOL

harry-er than them all said...

well we don't even have leftovers from shabbos, sooo i made a cholent for tonights dinner.
the oven and sinks are kashered, so we only have a crock-pot left.

Mystery Woman said...

Lol...sounds so familiar.