Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Am Not Picky and Please Follow Up

that's actually just a title for two issues about shidduchim that have been bothering me lately. not related.

I hate that term. People have likes and dislikes. My daughter is not "picky". Just because your daughter was lucky enough to find her mate and get married 20 seconds after she came back from Israel doesn't mean she wasn't "picky". she just found what she wanted right away.

Is a girl picky because she finds fat guys unappealing?
Is a girl picky because she wants someone who is a particular personality?
Is a girl picky because she wants a guy for a husband who is similar to the men in her life (father/brothers/uncles/close relatives) whom she respects, admires, and is comfortable with?

Next time I am with you and you start talking about being picky I will say, or ask you:
why do you live in THAT neighborhood? Weren't you being picky when you chose it?
Why do serve that type of chicken, is your family picky?
Why aren't you eating the mushrooms in your food? Shopping at the same grocery store as I do? Attending a particular shiur? and last: WHY ARE YOU SAYING NO TO SOME SHIDDUCHIM BEING RHEDT TO YOUR SON? OR DAUGHTER?

follow up:
please don't tell me every time you see me "Oh, I am working on this and this shidduch".
either work on it - or don't.
either suggest it - or don't.
it doesn't take two years for a mother of a boy to say "we are not interested" or "we looked into it". If youpre serious, then call the mother frequently. Yes. Be. A. Pest. You want to help girls get married? FOLLOW UP


Princess Lea said...

Ah, nice comparisons. Somehow being particular in not eating peas is acceptable, but being discerning while searching for a spouse is a fault.

I never understood why people have to announce that they're "working on something" for me. Such statements are usually followed by a silent telephone. When the system decreed not telling the girl, they meant not telling the girl ANYTHING.

Anonymous said...

I think people like to say "she is being so picky" as a way to protect themselves for not makeing any suggestions or for not giving alot of thought to the suggestions they make. Then when something doesn't work out they just say "she is picky" when they haven't put much effort into making a proper shidduch in the first place.

Pragmatician said...

I agree that it's not picky to want all the qualities (or lack thereof) mentioned, nevertheless many people I know seem picky in the sense that they have unrealistic demands, and perhaps the "fat" guy (for e.g. ) has a particular personality, is similar to one's father,uncle etc...