Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Picture or No Picture?

I've been sending DIP3's shidduch profile to some people and friends.

Yes she Is In The Parsha!!

Some have asked for a picture:
a Shadchan who wants it to remember her, because he spoke to a lot of girls in one night.  I was hoping her charm and conversational abilites (combined with my presence, probably one of 2 mothers who showed up) would be enough.  I actually wanted to lean over and draw some stars, checks, and smiley faces next to his scribbled notes about her, so he would later remember, AH! This one was remarkable!

A shadchan who has books of boys and girls - blue for boys and pink for girls! - and needed a picture to remember who she was.  And.... wants to be able to forward it to mothers who ask for a picture. With my daughter's permission (she doesn't  mind).

an old acquaintance whom I don't keep up with and rarely see.  Who has no idea who my children are.  Who would like to see what she looks like so she can say, "...DIP3 is blonde, blue eyed, tall..." etc.  * (details changed to protect her privacy).

My sister said her husband will ask for a picture of the mother when asked for a picture of their daughter.  Since she is the one asking for the picture, usually.  Not the boy.  I'm pretty sure I blogged about this years ago, regarding DIP1.

I sent a pic from DIP1's wedding.  with, of course, a chatty note how "her makeup and hair don't always look this way  :)  :)  but I thought she looked great in it".

so what do you think about the pictures?
1- is it just the mothers, checking up that their Paul Newman gets the beauty he deserves?
2- are the shadchans really not sharing the pics with others?
3- is a professional picture from a wedding "too fancy", or do you agree (as I thought) why not send the best picture possible?


Lost and Found said...

1. Probably. I have a hard time believing that it's both the guy and his mother who want to see pictures.
2. Unlikely. A shadchan who has been in the business for a while most probably has a "thing" for faces. It's the politically correct way of approaching the fact that the guy's side wants pictures.
3. Absolutely not. If you're going to provide a picture, it makes no sense not to send over a picture of your daughter looking her best. The same way that on a date each side is (should be) trying to present themselves in the best possible way, a picture before a date should reflect that as well.

On the contrary, I'm happy to hear that you sent over a picture from a wedding. I've received pictures on resumes that were unflattering...to put it nicely. That incident is a big part of the reason why I ask anyone who sends me a resume to delete any pictures.

Mystery Woman said...

I hate the picture thing. And, for a while, I wouldn't do it. But then I caved. When shadchanim want it for themselves, I'm okay with it. When a boy's mother asks for it, I'm less ok. I'd usually tell the shadchan...why don't you have the mother meet her? She'll get a much more accurate picture that way. But when I did send a picture, I sent the best one she had. Obviously :).

Princess Lea said...

1- Sometimes it isn't a matter of beauty. I try to Facebook stalk (where possible) before a date because sometimes you get a feel for the person's personality. But I always hated it and found it improper when someone asked for my picture. I have never asked for one myself; in the end, I can wait until the actual date.

By the way, Paul Newman's wife Joanne Woodward was no looker.

2- Of course they are.

3- Of course you give the best picture possible! You happen to have a professional photo from a family simcha, go for it.

daughtersintheparsha said...

Princess leah- I know- that's why I mentioned him, not his wife :).
And thanks all for affirmation!
BTW- I think it's time we ask for the boys' pictures

Princess Lea said...

Ah, but girl "currency" is not the same as boy "currency."

As I expounded here: