Wednesday, February 11, 2009

YES!! I mean NO!! oops! Sorry! Move on!

A boy gave us a yes to date one of my daughters in the parsha.

We didn't get back to them quickly enough, in their opinion, so they decided to "move on".

They gave a yes Friday afternoon- late- and changed their minds by Tuesday night.

Think maybe THIS contributes to the shidduch "crisis"? Saying yes, then saying "sorry, we waited long enough and in our opinion you should have already gathered all your info, so too bad! The next unmarried girl awaits the attention of my son! Tra la and good luck!"

my favorite: They consulted with Da'as Torah who told them it was okay to go on to the next girl.

deeeep breaths...

what do YOU think? Dear blog followers, be honest, even though you are my readers, tell me if you think we were wrong (I am not even discussing reasons or excuses, I think they are irrelevant).


G6 said...

They were wrong... no two ways about it.
The time frame you describe is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being egregiously long. I suspect that over the weekend they "got a better offer".
And don't get me started on the ability to find "daas torah" that will back up any crazy agenda anybody may have. That's just passing the buck and not taking responsibility. I'm sure you could find daas torah that will say what they did was incorrect.
In hindsight, you can be comforted by the concern that maybe these people don't have the values you are looking for anyway.....

corner point said...

This may sound crazy at first, but I'm glad it worked out this way. Your daughter deserves better than him--glad for you that you got to see it before it went anywhere.

As for daas Torah, so often the Rabbanim aren't even told the full story, and so make a psak based on what they've heard which might be very different from what the psak would be if they heard the whole story. Remember the whole big Lipa concert? Makes me angry.....

SuperRaizy said...

Wow, that boy doesn't have much of an attention span, does he?

daughtersintheparsha said...

wasn't the boy, I think it was his mother

harry-er than them all said...

3 days is considered the normal waiting period. personally when i say yes, if after 3 days no answer i call the shadchan to find out whats going on. it usually doesn't take long after that.
i've had friends who the girl's side took over a week, and then said they are busy.
its not always fair, but if you create a shidduch crisis, the guys will feel entitled and empowered.

John said...

The boys are crazy, or more likely, their mothers. So who wants that insanity for their daughter? Be glad it came out now.

THe Daas Torah issue is so overused that it has basically become a joke.

People ( especially those with sons AND daughters) should remember that there are 2 sides to every shidduch, and there is a Chesbon out there.