YBS has been home for two full weeks. At first I noticed that he seemingly is incapable of having a conversation with complete English sentences. Lots of he's and it's repeatedly so we lose track of what's going on, sprinkled with too many zachages and l'maisas, and a liberal dose of stam's and l'choiras, and most of the assembled guests were lost. I pulled him aside by day three of this verbal slaughter and had a conversation with him.
DIP: Listen, honey, we need to have a conversation about how you talk
YBS: grunt or snort
DIP: I mean about how you talk when trying to have a conversation
DIP: LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE! the language you use when you talk to us!
YBS: Nivel peh is ossur
DIP: (sigh) and I am proud of your awareness of that. I meant the limited English vocabulary you use when you talk.
YBS: L'maisa you get it, no? whatever, the exact lashon isn't the ikur, it's, like, I don't have to be So medakdek. Anyways, everyone has some yeshiva connection, they know the lashon, it's like, ...
DIP: that is not the point. You (here I launch into one of my favorite speeches) represent Torah, a Yeshiva Bochur, and you want people think highly of you. You wouldn't walk around with a stained white shirt, would you? It's not bekovodik.
YBS: okay, that stain was not my fault. I ran out of shirts from the cleaners.
DIP: also not the point. You cannot possibly be this dense, you are the son of intelligent people. Focus! You need to cut down on the yeshivish lingo when you talk! it sounds ridiculous and (trump card) Your grandparents hate it. So at least when they are here don't talk that way.
YBS: Uh, didn't Grandpa go to Telsz? The Gedoioilim (his oi's are somehow so emphasized, especially notable in our clearly non oi family) l'choira spoke that way. it's the kesher with bochrim, with the yeshivish oilam. but fine, kibud av v'aim is very choshuv, ganz choshuv. I'll be mishtadel to be mistapek more closely my words.
DIP: oh, and that's another thing. you did NOT go to a cheder, and we do not speak yiddish here. So don't even think about ending sentences with verb modifiers or whatever they are.
YBS: (clears throat), mother dearest, I understand your concern that in public I present myself as an intelligent and verbally sophisticated individual. And when the time comes, I will not embarrass you or Dad or the rest of the family by mumbling and rambling incoherent sentences that the non jewish or non yeshivish world cannot navigate. however, I am currently in a different matzav/ I mean environment, and this is how I feel comfortable communicating.
DIP: I chap! I chap! Gevaldik!!