Friday, April 17, 2009

Cool Zachage vs. Intriguing Object

YBS has been home for two full weeks. At first I noticed that he seemingly is incapable of having a conversation with complete English sentences. Lots of he's and it's repeatedly so we lose track of what's going on, sprinkled with too many zachages and l'maisas, and a liberal dose of stam's and l'choiras, and most of the assembled guests were lost. I pulled him aside by day three of this verbal slaughter and had a conversation with him.

DIP: Listen, honey, we need to have a conversation about how you talk

YBS: grunt or snort

DIP: I mean about how you talk when trying to have a conversation

YBS: huh??

DIP: LANGUAGE! LANGUAGE! the language you use when you talk to us!

YBS: Nivel peh is ossur

DIP: (sigh) and I am proud of your awareness of that. I meant the limited English vocabulary you use when you talk.

YBS: L'maisa you get it, no? whatever, the exact lashon isn't the ikur, it's, like, I don't have to be So medakdek. Anyways, everyone has some yeshiva connection, they know the lashon, it's like, ...

DIP: that is not the point. You (here I launch into one of my favorite speeches) represent Torah, a Yeshiva Bochur, and you want people think highly of you. You wouldn't walk around with a stained white shirt, would you? It's not bekovodik.

YBS: okay, that stain was not my fault. I ran out of shirts from the cleaners.

DIP: also not the point. You cannot possibly be this dense, you are the son of intelligent people. Focus! You need to cut down on the yeshivish lingo when you talk! it sounds ridiculous and (trump card) Your grandparents hate it. So at least when they are here don't talk that way.

YBS: Uh, didn't Grandpa go to Telsz? The Gedoioilim (his oi's are somehow so emphasized, especially notable in our clearly non oi family) l'choira spoke that way. it's the kesher with bochrim, with the yeshivish oilam. but fine, kibud av v'aim is very choshuv, ganz choshuv. I'll be mishtadel to be mistapek more closely my words.

DIP: oh, and that's another thing. you did NOT go to a cheder, and we do not speak yiddish here. So don't even think about ending sentences with verb modifiers or whatever they are.

YBS: (clears throat), mother dearest, I understand your concern that in public I present myself as an intelligent and verbally sophisticated individual. And when the time comes, I will not embarrass you or Dad or the rest of the family by mumbling and rambling incoherent sentences that the non jewish or non yeshivish world cannot navigate. however, I am currently in a different matzav/ I mean environment, and this is how I feel comfortable communicating.

DIP: I chap! I chap! Gevaldik!!

13 comments:

corner point said...

L. O. L.

:-D

daughtersintheparsha said...

hi corner point! why don't you blog anymore?

corner point said...

Hey there,

I have some posts in the making, but I'm having a hard time writing them up...
I'm still around though, reading and thinking. I love your blog! You're hilarious and so down-to-earth :-)

Mikeinmidwood said...

Sadly the yeshivish language is very much part of a yeshivah bochur, its also very annoying.

Something Different said...

LOL!
I think all yeshivah bochurim are pretty much cut out of the same fabric. We have pretty much given up on my brothers, but some of them spin these gems of a sentence...
"do you chap how yeshivish the whole matziv is?"
Sigh. And here I am, looking to marry one of them....

tembow said...

i know, SD. i think the same thing! i'm gonna marry one of these guys I"YH...

daughtersintheparsha said...

be upbeat, young ladies!! if the yeshivish lingo really bothers you, you will find a great solid guy who is yeshivish but talks like a normal adult. probably from out of the NY metro area...

corner point said...

Believe it or not, there are plenty out there, even within NYC. And Lakewood. [GASP!!]
I'm actually yet to meet a Yeshivish dating guy who talks like YBS on dates... There's still hope, eh? ;-)

Something Different said...

DIP- I like to think they learn how to talk before they start dating. My married bro still talks like that to friends but my sister in law does NOT put up with that kind of talk. And the funny thing is, he is the most eloquent and well-spoken member of the family. That's why I told my 18 year old brother that he needs to lose a few pounds and learn a bit of English and he'll be 'The Best Boy' in a few years. ;)

CP- no way!! [faints]

john said...

Wonderful point, well written. Just be glad that he is IN the house, and maintaining a religious lifestyle ( I am sure you are, and the post is tongue in cheek.... to some extent)

harry-er than them all said...

not only does your son speak yeshivish well, you also seem to understand it well enough to give it over to us.

in the end, yeshivish is no different than ebonics. wrong vocabulary/grammar, but communicates just fine.

daughtersintheparsha said...

harry-
it's actually funny. we aren't a yeshivish family, so everyone rolls their eyes when he talks, but we all get a kick out of it. and he is so smooth and good at it...

the apple said...

LOL! Hilarious!