Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Have the Wedding Cramp


I get this painful cramp in my right hip whenever I go to a wedding. It usually hits around the time I am dancing in the old lady circle with the mother of the chosson/kallah. We do that shuffle thing, which now I have perfected to just dragging my shoes along the floor so I don't have to exert any effort by actually lifting my legs. Or there is the two step kicking thing:
two right kicks to the front,
two left kicks to the front,
jump forward,
jump backwards,
run to the left!!

or the other popular one, but THIS one can go on for a good twenty minutes. When this dance starts I pray it is a wedding where the chosson kallah aren't into dancing (ha ha) and the music will be a short set. This dance is the hora. But not a fun leaping around type, the
right foot forward
left foot forward
box step
cherkaziya, or whatever that step is that we learned 35 years ago at Bnos Melave Malka that has not changed one step...

That is when the cramp sets in. Shooting bolts of pain. And did you notice that the dancing is 99% of the time going clockwise? so two wedding in one week and that is a very long and painful workout on my right hip. Or upper thigh. And there isn't even a hip muscle to get firm from all that shuffling and kicking.

Of course for me this is all exacerbated by the upside sweaty hand holder. Sweaty palms are uncomfortable, and the upside hand holder is unpleasant. They are both awful, but combined, sheer agony. And at the last wedding I went to, I got the death grip, too. So here I am dragging my feet during a painful shuffle, searing burning pain in my hip, and the women on my left and right grabbing my hands, upside down, with their slimy sweaty palms, dragging me along because their grips are like those of someone falling off a 20 story fire escape, definitely not letting go. AND this time I had a first experience with one of the upside down sweaty palm grippers, it was totally gross. She interlocked her fingers in mine, kind of like alternating her fingers with mine. Excuse me, lady, we are not newlyweds strolling on the beach. I glared at her and removed my hand, not gently. yich.

What an experience


Doobie said...

I am laughing because I can just feel myself being there. B"H I don't get a shooting pain in my hip but I do understand the discomfort, which I think comes from never changing direction.
It is good to have simchos!

corner point said...

LOL!! You are too funny.

I also get pains from dancing, but I think it's usually in my left calf from so much hopping around mostly on that leg. It irks me to no end that besides for the hora (which most people just don't get how to dance properly) ALL the other dances are taken in full tilt leftward. Ouch.

But your post made me laugh. Especially the cherkaziya part ;-)

FBB said...

I am laughing so hard, I'm snorting!!!!

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